Lee McKinnis (57)
Kristina Marynczak (37)
Killian Noonan (36)
Melissa Castillo (32)
NikoVelazquez (27)
Shannon Ratzel (23)
Michelle Reyes (22)
Kyle Barczak (21)
Maura Bilek (21)
Susan Bayaa (21)
I decided to do my journal entry on the elevator speeches the class currently did. Unfortunately I could not make it to the first class when they were presented, but the ones I saw were really good. I learned a lot from my classmates and I was very flattered to see that people were interested in the issue I presented. I was very nervous before coming to class because I didn’t think people would really care or think that was a major issue. I was also very excited that people went to comment on my essay after my speech. I think we should do more stand up things in front of the class that we care about. I really hated the thought of it at first and I really had the thought in my head to not present at all. I was so relieved and happy after I got in front of the class and started speaking, because people looked interested and concerned. Also Prof. McGuire seemed interested about my issue and that made me feel like it was something worth being bought up and presented. At first I had the feeling that my issue was too broad because its something local and a lot of other speeches were topics that were more controversial like all throughout the world. Over all I think this was a very useful and helpful exercise. I also enjoyed watching others present because its nice to know what other people care about. i enjoyed Bud’s speech about smoking and the other speech about alcohol. Those are very typical but those two guys were really concerned and dedicated to inform people about the issues that they are most worried about and that made it worth listening to.
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Keitha Cheeks
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Keitha Cheeks
Dear Chicago Tribune,
Dear editor of “The Chicago Tribune”,
There is a huge issue widely spread throughout the Chicago Area that you should be more concerned with. The issue is the violence between kids, teenagers, and young adults. This violence consist of young these people rivaling against each other because of where the live or who they hang out with. These young Chicago citizens are fighting, stabbing, shooting, and murdering each other. The Chicago Tribune newspaper has had a few articles about this type of of violence before, but this is an issue that is happening every single day. I feel like if the newspaper have a story about this everyday, as much as its happening then the city, state, and government will be forced to take more and more action upon the problem. My good friend Deno Wooldridge was shot multiple times and killed on his grandmothers porch on 84th and Throop. The young man who shot him was from a different neighborhood about a mile or two away. I definitely don’t want to lose anymore friends to this issue, and I’m sure no other families want to continue to lose young family members to nonsense like this. The Chicago Tribune is a very known popular newspaper publication and people will read and listen to your articles if its constantly conversed. More than 600 Chicago Public School Students are wounded or killed per year. Police need to get more involved with this issue. I would love for the Chicago Tribune newspaper to post articles about this issue so hopefully enforcers could do more to prevent kids from getting hurt. Police need to work on making these Chicago neighborhoods safer environments.
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Keitha Cheeks
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Dawn Murry
The topic you have chosen on violence is great. I love the detail that you have provided in order to make this topic understanding for the reader to have interest and concern on where you are coming from. It is sad to see that there are so many teenagers on just the younger generation periods losing their lives based on violence in our society. This is not a game you have given true personal events that have gave you a eye opener because you have experienced it one on one. I feel that when you experience should hate that for some one to kill you need to stop and regroup on how this going to effect your life from moving forward for success. You should hurt yourself in order to make a point for other people to be cool. Also, it’s not that police is not trying to do anything about the different crimes I just feel that there hands are tied because for one the gangs have bigger ammunition than they do. They have more people against the police in the streets that they sometimes are over powered. When things take make they are not always there to prevent or even know that there is a problem in order to form an answer to stop it before it happens. Unfortunately, this list can go on and on forever before there is a stop or control to the streets. I believe that would have to turn the streets into world war with army equipment and a ton of other things before there is a stop put to things. Then you have to think how safe is that to the innocent people in society. You paper gave strong support on the topic but you didn’t follow Professor McGuire questions provided. I am interested on how you are going to form a group, organization or just something that you can help out with in order for you to make a change in society. You should provided more details on how you may can work with the police, neighborhood group or something to show how you can support the topic of choice. This essay is off to a great start. You really did research and share personal experiences on activities happening in your area. Great Job! Always keep in mind just the questions of concern. They place where you did your research should be able to provided more information on already created groups like crime stoppers, D.A.R.E and junior police groups. Keep up the good work on research. I did enjoy reading you essay.
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Corey Gallai
This was a very good topic to choose. I liked the opening paragraph. I like when the writer adds a personal connection to the piece. It makes the paper more interesting to read. I agree that violence is a big issue in the Chicago community. It is an issue all over the place as well.
I liked the definition of Rival Neighborhood violence is. I myself did not know what it was. After finding out what it is, I find it very sad that goes on in the world. I find the whole thing stupid. There is no point in all this violence. It is also sad that kids find this “cool” or “fun”. They will grow up to do the same things that are going on where they live later in life. I agree with you that it is stupid. It makes others living in the neighborhood feel insecure and afraid to live there.I completely agree with you in your third paragraph, these kids are just ruining their lives. If they start this nonsense in their teens, they will not have a bright future ahead of them. They will eventually end up dead or in jail. I agree that more people need to become involved in this problem. We need to have more law enforcement agencies involved with these problems. As you write it is not fair for those that live in the neighborhood to have to deal with these gang-bangers.
I liked the paragraph about what is being done. I know on the news they always say that the police are looking into stuff like this. They need to do more than look into this. The need to set up areas where police should be in these areas and always be on the lookout for these gang-bangers. I agree with the part about monitoring the cameras 24/7. That could be a sufficient way to help solve the problem here. I did not think of the part where you wrote how one person is so focused in this gang they don’t care what the after-math is like for them. That is true in many things. People can become so focused in something they are completely unaware of what is around them. I liked the example you provided in the paragraph after about John and Larry. It helped explain things better.
I like Rahm’s statement. I think he will try to stick to his word. This is an issue that we need to really look into especially since it is not to far too far away from where we are.
Overall, this was a very well written paper. This is a topic that needs some major fixing. We need to find a solution so we can live in a world free of danger. I liked the current news situations that you added to the paper. That helped a lot. I did not see a section of where to look for more information. Try to include that. I was not aware of what an issue this is until I read your paper. Keep up the great work.
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Keitha Cheeks
Living Unintentionally
Why do most people immediately assume that everyone wants to live? Nobody asked to be here so what makes people think everybody want to stay? The world we live in isn’t safe, neither is it fair. We don’t know the history of our world and how it came about. People believe what they believe but it’s never proven to them. Technically I live because I don’t have choice. This world doesn’t make me happy enough to want to stay, or to be proud to live. This world doesn’t disappoint me enough to kill myself or put myself in a near death situation. I’m living in this world unintentionally, but I have intentions on making it worth the living. My goal is to go to school completely full time all the way until 2016. No matter how hard it gets. I don’t want to take any breaks, nor have any kids. I don’t even want to be in a relationship with any one. After College I immediately want to take my state exam and start looking for a career. All I ever wanted to be was a children’s doctor so that’s what I’m living to be. Being a pediatric nurse is my dream and I am 100% focused on only pursuing that career. I also have personal goals. I would love to be married before I’m thirty with two children. I want the perfect lifestyle with no problems. That’s all I’m living for, nothing extraordinary nothing beyond dreaming.
I love rappers and rap music. My favorite rappers are Rick Ross and 2 chainz. I love the music they make I love the way they look and dress. They go to clubs and parties all the time and everybody just love them. They go to hotels and events all around the world. I would love more than anything to just transform into another rich rapper and hang with them. That’s like a dream to me. I actually dreamed about that before. In my dream I was a tall male rapper with dread locks and I was traveling in private jets and air planes with them. It might sound a little funny but that is something I would love to do. One reason it makes me so excited to think about it because I know that is completely impossible in so many different ways. I could never transform into a male rich rapper. Even if I could do all those things as myself, it would be awkward. What kind of grown men would want to hang around, or be friends with a teenage girl? All the things I dream of doing are unrealistic, that’s what makes them dreams. There’s a difference between dreams and goals. Another way this is impossible is because after doing that for a few weeks or months I would want to go back to being my normal self. That’s crazy right? But it’s true! Turning back to normal would be the only thing that makes it so fun. A lot of rappers are miserable because they cannot ever have normal lives again. They start to do different kind of drugs to calm they self and keep their minds off of it. One thing famous people have a huge problem with is finding forever mates. After they’re rich and famous they can’t help but to think that every person they meet is trying to be with them for the money and the fame.
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Dawn Murry
Living Unintentionally
In this essay Keitha has a very good point to ask the question what she should live for. Especially, sense we didn’t ask to come here. That is a very good point. That statement there is great because, she is right we didn’t ask to come here. I feel this world isn’t a safe or fair place we live in. It’s live and unfortunately that is how it is. But, we have to ask the question what can we do to make it safe or even make us to want to live? Here is other additional information that we can look into. In this subject, Keitha should look into what makes her happy? Once, you find out what makes you happy then you able to use that information and build from there. This information would help to make you happy and would help you look at life in a different perspective and with that perspective you will find out why it is worth living for. In this writing, I find this to be an objective position that she speaks in. In this essay, I feel she did treat the reader well but, at the same time she is gaining the readers interest. The reader feels as if she wants to reach out and help the writer gain some positive incite on life and show Keitha that the world does have some better parts to it. You just have to live a little longer and make sure you have positive people in your corner. The reader does display that she is in her teenage years. Keitha, is talking in a first, person perspective. This part of her essay, does address the message that we are trying to hear.
The writers also address the part of the essay that informs me as the reader about kill. The writer informed us that the world is horrible but, not horrible enough to kill herself. This is great because, at least I can hear no matter what the obstacles are she will maintain and move forward in her live. Keitha also shows her strong motivation and what her goals are in order to fulfill her dream on why it is worth living for. This information let you know as the reader that this writer has her life organized and all she has to focus and stay on track on where she is going.
Overall, I believe that this writer did write some good information in a direction that I would have never thought of. But, she didn’t stay with the topic which was Live? Die? Kill? I could see where the writer did address what she would live for. As far as the topic Kill is was address but, it was never structured on how Professor McGuire wanted the information provided. The Topic Die for was never addressed. So, I would go back and edit the information on how add to die for in the essay. It was really, a good essay. Good structure. You are on a good track of success. But, just remember for the future to address the whole topic.
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William Adams
Dear Keitha
i think your essay was different it didnt just answer the question it explained how you would want your life to be and how you would like to live it. i think it was great because this is a honest answer who asked to come here like seriously i do have to agree with you no one asked but you also adressed who Keitha liked and what was the reason you liked them. his essay was very detailed he explained what made him want to become to be a famous rapper. which i respect because he being honest he would love to be rich and famous. she also explains what she would kill for she said shouldnt kill for anyone and i respect your answer just because you say how bad the world is but why make it badder by killing someone.
i think the paper was good but it was never addressed what would she die for. it seemed like you talked alot about what you would live for but not enough what would you kill for you should lengthen it a little bit more and go in to greater detail about your reasons why you wouldn’t kill anyone. i found the paper very interesting about what she wanted to do for her life she stated she wanted to do something with her live and just not let it go to waste. but hey i think you voiced what you had to say and you said and didn’t hold back Good job.
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Grzegorz Bednarz
In your essay, I like the introduction to your thoughts and how you increasingly explained what means to you to live in this world. The first paragraph is very mysterious and yet, it tells a lot about you and how you feel about life. The style of your writing is very compelling and easy to read. I found contradiction in your fist paragraph, when you stated that you don’t want to be a relationship but you want to get married and have two kids. I really like your point of view about living and that no one wanted to be born at first. You said that you live in this world unintentionally and you will make to worth the living but I think you already have intention to live in this world and try to make the best out of it by pursuing your goals. Being a pediatric nurse it’s a very big goal and I see that you want to help children. Isn’t that by itself something to live for? You have a lot of potential and it is only you who can use it in a right way.
You have big dreams and a lot of negativity about accomplishing them. Being male rapper would be impossible since you are a female, but adjusting those goals so you can reach them could make your life so much easier. Without dreams, it would be very hard to live when hardship reaches us. I think everyone has dreams even when they say they don’t they have because there is always something that person wants.
You have couple contradictions that don’t make your argument very strong. If you focused on improving your argument there wouldn’t be any confusion, at least that I encountered. You have only answered one out of three questions that you suppose to answer and your essay has a little over five hundred words, which is under the limit of at least 1250 words. You mention a little bit about reasoning of what would I die for, or more why wouldn’t you want to die but this thought will have to be explained more and possibly made into separate paragraph by itself. I would go back and revise your argument about living and split the first paragraph because it seems like you could continue your thoughts about your goals in life. The conclusion is missing in your essay and introduction could stand by itself much better rather than combining it with your fist body paragraph. Overall, this essay has a lot of potential but needs to be improved length wise.
I really enjoyed reading your essay because your point of view is very different from others and it makes me think about life. If you put a life experience into your essay, it would make your argument very strong and put more emotions in what you are writing. Because it is so short and doesn’t include all the parts, I cannot give you full feedback. I am looking forward to see your essay when it’s completed. -
Corey Gallai
The writer makes some very interesting points in this essay. I really liked how the author writes” Nobody asked to be here…” I never really thought about that statement until I read it in the essay. I also agree that the world is not safe or fair.
The writer has a great goal!! It is very hard for one to work hard and achieve their goal. I myself have a goal of becoming a music teacher. I am also trying to follow the guidelines that the writer has to make sure they follow their goal/dream.
I am assuming you also live for rap music. You went into great detail about that. I am not into rap music myself. However, I can’t seem to find the other parts of the essay that we were told to write about. I could not find a part about what we would die for. I might make the assumption that you tied rap music into what you would die for as well. I could not find a part about what you would kill for. If you were to go back and revise this draft, maybe try to add the two sections that seemed to be missing.Overall, the essay has a great start. I liked the intro to the paper. The goals you have are great. One suggestion would be to try and stay a little bit more on track with what Prof. M was looking for: What We Live For? Die For? Kill For?. Keep up the great work!!!
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Corey Gallai is discussing. 
Dawn Murry are discussing. 
Grzegorz Bednarz, 
William Adams and one other person are discussing. 
Corey Gallai 4:39 pm on March 20, 2012 Permalink | Log in to Reply
I liked you letter. I agree that violence has spread out more in recent years. All the things you hear on the news nowadays are about people getting shot in their neighborhoods. Something needs to be done to reduce this problem. It is mainly with the youth group. These kids think it’s cool to join a gang and hurt others. In the long run, those kids end up in jail. I agree that the newspapers should have a few more articles on what is going on. It would make people more aware and then they might want to do something about it. The government should be enforcing stricter rules or have more police in the neighborhoods that this happens in. I think at this point, people think that the violence is way out of control for anything to be done. Well in my opinion, it’s never too late to start. I am sorry for the loss of your friend. When events like this happen, the person’s family suffers as well. They mourn the loss of their loved one forever. Most of the time, the killers are not found. Again, if we could have more police in these areas, it could maybe prevent this problem. It was very sad to read the number of students that are killed in the Chicago Public Schools. We need to get rid of that number. Unfortunately some of these schools are not in the best neighborhoods. The school boards need to take action on this matter. Hire more security and keep looking for ways to prevent intruders entering the school building. It gives the schools in that area a bad reputation. I would not let my kids go to a Chicago public school if I knew that many people died every year. I agree and have said many times in this peer review, the police need to step in and take action. After all, they are here to protect and serve. We also need to look into a better way of finding the people committing the crimes. This way we can find them and put them away making it safer for people in general. You also hear about shootings in colleges. Unfortunately it is a little harder to keep that from happening as there are many people at university campuses and they are open campuses. But the public schools can take action and prevent the people in the building from harm.
Overall, your letter is very good. It is short and to the point. I liked that you added a personal story. To me, that shows the reader you are concerned and care about this issue. I am also sick of hearing all the stories on the news about people that are getting killed in their neighborhoods. It’s stupid and causes a lot of grief for everyone. People need to be aware that this could happen in their neighborhood as well. They should not think that this only happens in some areas. I hope that more people will start to see this as a major problem and will start to take action. Also, the police need to look into this matter and do something about it.