Lee McKinnis (57)
Kristina Marynczak (37)
Killian Noonan (36)
Melissa Castillo (32)
NikoVelazquez (27)
Shannon Ratzel (23)
Michelle Reyes (22)
Kyle Barczak (21)
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Susan Bayaa (21)
I decided this journal I wanted to write about our fair. At first I was not going to talk about it but I found it kind of surprising. I was surprised to see how many people were there and the lady from The Little Red School house was there as well. I was not expecting it to be that professional honestly. I was surprised when they had people talking and them showing clips it really explained to a lot of people about every other presentation that was going on and that was interesting to me. People did seem very interested in what we had to say and what other people were saying as well. I was glad that we did make this because as I looked around I did see some people that were in the library actually listening in on what was going on which to gets them to realize some things that we were doing and maybe they would start helping out as well. I thought our class had some very good posters that are explanatory and some people were interacting and asking how they can join and what they would have to do. I do realize that when you can tell them your experience they are more interested because they know that that is what you did and if they did want to help that is what they would do. They felt more comfortable. The lady that came from The Little Red School House was explaining a lot about what they do as well which was also a help to us. I can say it was a very nice fair and they should do that more.
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Susan Bayaa
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Susan Bayaa
This week I wanted to write about the clip we saw in class I remember reading it in Why White Rice and I decided I wanted that to be my journal. Honestly the clip got my attention more than when I read it. I really saw what he meant because I heard it. I am a little ashamed to say that I have caught myself doing that plenty of times and it does bother me. I don’t really remember when I began doing that but it does get annoying because I feel like I truly don’t sound like I believe in what I am saying because of the way I am saying it. We do add on questions that are not really their and now that I actually see it, it is pretty funny. I think a lot of people just got used to talking like that and don’t really notice that they are doing it but if someone tells them that they are doing it they might try to stop. At times we do underestimate our thoughts and we need that extra person agreeing with us to comfort us with our statements. That is when the “you know” comes in. Other times, well I know I sometimes do it to see if someone understands what I am saying or what I am trying to say. I just did it, I should have said at times people do it to make sure the other person understands what they are saying.
Mali, Taylor. “Totally like whatever, you know?” WWR: 54 April 18 -
Susan Bayaa
Nature Center
Our service project was to go to the Little Red school House and try to help out. We had difficulties trying to schedule a time where we can make it. There were certain times that the volunteering was being done and that did not work for any of us. It was a real hassle trying to find time to go their and try to help out. Once we began running out of time it was becoming stressful. So we decided that we would at least go and check out what it is about. The Little Red School House was actually built to be a school for the kids around the neighborhood. The people that lived in that neighborhood built it so their children could go to school. They also hired a teacher so that she can teach the children. The teacher taught twenty nine students and she was payed $67.50 a month. Which was forty cents a day, that was the car fee. It was built in 1886. Then after reading the pamphlet that I had taken from the place I discovered that the School House was actually built in 1869 but it was burned down and that is when it was rebuilt in 1886 for the children. The cook county superintendent of schools filed a report in 1910 saying that it is in an isolated location by forests and that they had five windows but no curtains as well as no flag, no wall maps, and no book cases. The Superintendent also reported that the school floor is only scrubbed once a year. In the summer of 1938, the school was moved down to 99th Street to a new site on 104th Ave. Lee Taylor a local resident was the one who moved the building. he was hired to move it for seventy five dollars. The only thing that is currently in that house is a crow. Their used to be more animals but they were not in that building any more. I was talking to one guy that worked their and he said every other animal was moved to the other building they have except the crow. The reason why the crow was not moved is because that crow is used to that house and it would not be comfortable in any other place so they needed to leave it their. Plus he told me that the rehab center told them to leave the crow in their. The rehab center was the one that gave them the crow. That crow also cant be let go because the first thing it saw was humans so the guy that works their basically told me that it thinks it is human because that was the first thing it saw. So that crow does not identify with other crows and would not be able to defend for it self. That is why it can not be let loose and especially not into the wild.
The animals that they have in the buildings were given to them by a rehab center. Those animals cannot defend themselves and cannot be let loose because they will not survive and that is when The Little Red School House comes in. The Little Red School House Nature Center shelters them and also provides them with food. These animals also could have been injured and that is another reason they were given to the Little Red School House. They protect and help animals and that I think is amazing how that ended up happening from a school. Another thing I thought was amazing was that they actually built the other building with some recycled stuff and they are all about going green. As soon as I walked into that building I saw a big poster talking about how they are all about going green and some information about how they built that building. Some of the things they said were that the materials they used do not release any harmful pollutants into the air. So that I thought was something that not a lot of buildings do and they also reduce waste. They used over 20 percent of recycled materials to build the building and three quarters of the waste that they had left was recycled instead of them throwing it away or sending it to the landfills. They also talked about the indoor environmental quality which was for them to create a healthy indoor space that preserves a connection to the outdoors. They also mentioned how the air quality, humidity, and temperature in their nature center are always monitored and they are constantly adjusted to make sure that it is a healthy indoor environment.
Our group was trying to go over their and help out in any way. We kind of had an idea of what we wanted to do and that was to cut down these trees. A lot of people probably ask why they do that and isn’t cutting down trees bad. Well in this occasion it is different. The trees that we wanted to cut down basically were killing the other trees that should be growing their. That is a reason why it is not a big deal if those are being chopped down and besides they are not really trees they are shrubs. I was talking to the guy that worked their and he told me it is called restoration. The meaning of it is to restore the land to the way it was. That being said he also mentioned that they were not really trees but they were actually shrubs. They look like trees but they really are not. The two types of shrubs that we would have been cutting down are the buck thorn and the grey dog wood. They would not have cut them down unless their was a necessary reason why they should be cut down and in this case the reason was they were taking over. The guy that worked their mentioned that they have no enemies but they take over the whole place and force all the nature stuff out. The trees that are suppose to be growing their are being forced out because of those shrubs. The natural things that grow their and are good for the environment should be left their and should not be forced out.
This really did sound interesting to me and I hope to go their soon and try to help out with anything I can. I really did enjoy visiting The Little Red School House and I enjoyed seeing the different types of animals it had and with that being said you can learn a lot from going their. They tell you about the animals and it was nice. It was also a nice building and the animals should be comfortable in that environment especially because they have a huge place they are staying in. It has some stairs and the way they created it was really nice because while you are walking down the stairs I think you saw a whole bunch of different kinds of fish. To me it seemed like a mini Zoo that was actually trying to help the animals. It is a place where it should be visited and maybe have some volunteers to help out which I am going to be trying to do, but over all it was a nice experience for me and I learned a lot form visiting them. They are open during the Summer and in the Winter. They also have programs and activities to join into.
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Susan Bayaa
This article I found really interesting and I decided that I wanted to write about it. I know it kind of sounds funny but I did learn a little bit about why our teacher is doing certain activities and services that he wants us to attend. I already had a thought that maybe he wanted us to realize how some people struggle and how other people do not have it as easy as we do compared to them. I do recognize that because it is important to acknowledge the people around us. What I think I understood from this article, “Ruptura” Language and Learning Across the Discipline, is that our teacher is trying to show us something and at the same time he also wants to know our reactions and how we felt about it through paper. The reason I hated doing this activities was because I knew we would ends up writing a paper about it. I think the reason why is that so we can express how we felt what we should do and maybe actually get to doing what we can to help out. We were trying to find ways in how to make a difference or something that should be done. It is not easy to try to get this subject that other people need help into people’s heads. He did it the best way he could and I can honestly say that it did affect some people because I saw it and it also acknowledged them too. I didn’t know half the things that were going on until we were doing some of the papers and speeches.
Carrick Tracy, Himley Margaret, Jacobi Tobi. “Ruptura” Language and Learning Across the Discipline. Pg 298-308. http://www.splatter.writing101.net April 12, 2012 -
Susan Bayaa
This journal entry I decided to write about recognizing that all writing is creative writing. I do believe that everyone has a way of writing unique they just have to figure it out. A lot of people might think that they are not good writers because they do not believe they have that ability to write creative but that is not true. Everyone has that ability but they just have a different way of showing it. They just have to figure out how there creative way of writing is. I used to be one of those people. I did not believe that I can write at all and especially not be creative with it. I knew that I might be able to try to learn how to by reading some of the ways other people wrote and maybe try to write like them. That was my mistake, I tried writing in a way that other people wrote and not the way I should be writing. It is not bad to have some ideas of how other people write but if it is not how you write do not do it. A person writes better when they are writing in their own style. That is why at times when you are forced into writing a certain way we have difficulty trying to write in that way because that might not be the creative way for us. We can be creative but we just have to know how we are creative and how to put it into our writing.
DeVillez, Eric, Michael McGuire, Thomas Dow, and Troy Swanson.(Recognizing That All Writing Is Creative Writing) “Why White Rice.” -
Susan Bayaa
My journal entry is going to be about let your mind wander in Why White Rice? I liked this topic because I liked how letting go of your thoughts and writing stuff down really did help. I have done it plenty of times. The first time I did it was in my Com 101 class. It is a very useful tool. At first I was not too sure on how it would help with writing. After doing it though I was impressed, it lets your mind loose and really talk about the subject well. It made me have so many ideas and things I really was surprised. I never was a good writer and I never thought that I would be able to write good at all but learning that technique has really helped me out. I can actually write good papers and I have gotten A’s on my paper since I have started using that technique. This is why I chose to write about this subject. I can really relate to it and it really is useful. I know a lot of people probably think it is a waste of time because they never really tried it but once you have and you see how much you write and how much you can talk about you too will be impressed. It really gave me more ideas on how to write about my subject. Especially the times you don’t know where to start on the subject or even what to talk about, all you have to do is let your mind wander and it will help you talk about a lot of things you didn’t even know you wanted to talk about.
Micheal McGuire. “Invention; Trust your mind as it wanders.” Why White Rice? Thinking Through Writing. Kendall Hunt Pub, 2010. 37-38. Print. -
Susan Bayaa
Leona’s Story
A strong woman named Leona McClure was born in 1919. She is 92 years old and still kicking. She is the oldest out of her sisters. She has 2 sisters. Her and her younger sister are very close. She can do a lot on her own and has 4 children. She has two girls and two boys. One of her daughter lives right here in Illinois. She lives in Orland Park and visits her often. Leona also goes and sleeps at her house from time to time. Her other daughter lives in Cincinnati and she also came and visited her. Leona’s two boys live in California. She is happy to say she has six grandchildren and ten great grandchildren.
Leona was born in a small town called Fort Morgan, Colorado. Her mother died when she was only five and her dad had to raise three girls. Her father was strict and she said that her dad would not let them go to the movies because he thought it was a bad influence. Her father was religious and went to church every Sunday. When she was younger her dad would take them to see the effect of a flood in there town. He thought it was important for them to see. She said the trees would be knocked down. They did not have a TV back then. “TV is everything now.” (Leona). In her free time she would either play games her and her sisters would make up and they would play hide and seek with the neighborhood. She never really listened to music until she was in high school and she liked classical music. She began to love music when people would come play music at her school. Her main hobby was drawing and then she began to paint too.
She always wanted to be an artist and she got a scholarship to go to school. She painted a picture of a fellow student in her class and won a state prize. She went to Denver University Art and graduated with a Bachelors of Fine Arts. She also got a Master’s degree in early childhood education. She was teaching in a school and that is where she met her husband. He was an administer. He got a position in Urbana and that is how she came to Chicago. She taught for 23 years, 4 years in Urbana. The whole time she was in Urbana she taught. She taught in her children’s school. She still had a good relationship with her father. Her and her husband used to visit him every summer. Her dad went to live with her sister in Texas. He died in 1967.
Some people that influenced her were some teachers at her university. Her art teacher was the most influence on her. Her art teacher was the one who gave her advice. She directed her on where to go and what to do. Her most pleasurable time was the time she was teaching. She really loved teaching. She retired in 1983, she was 65. No one told her she had to retire she decided to do it on her own. She did mention that her friend that she worked with told her, “If you retire I will.” Another reason she had retired was because when she was hiking she collapsed and she did not know why. The doctor in Urbana wasn’t sure why that had happened either. A doctor in Cincinnati gave her an X-ray. She had a rotator cuff. They did surgery on it and she had 6 months of surgery. After retiring her and her husband went still went hiking. They loved to hike. They traveled all over Europe. She enjoyed it. She stayed a week traveling. When she was talking about traveling she remembered the mountains back where she used to live. She said she misses the Smokey Mountains. Leona likes it here but she was homesick for a while then she first came but she is not anymore.
She used to live in peace village. She was not able to bring her drawing book with her. She did not want to leave peace. She was at peace village for about 7 years. She moved to Sunrise 5 years ago. The reason she moved to Sunrise was because her sister thought she needed more medical space. She would not go back to Peace because she likes the people here. When she first moved to Sunrise she thought the people that worked there were not that nice but now she says the new ones they replaced them with are better. She says the other residents are really nice and the food is what she likes the least. She says the food is getting better. Leona said, “Now they get good cauliflower and the asparagus is green now.” They don’t have any rules and they let her go sleep at her daughter’s house whenever she wants. She just has to sign a book when she leaves and when she comes back. Victors can come at any time too. In her free time she likes to read. She has a kindle. She said that Sue has a lot of activities so there is not that much free time really. She does enjoy the activities they have though. They have cocktail hour once a week. She was asked if there was a limit her answer was, “Well everyone knows there limit. One is enough for me.” She does not go out with the other people because she feels she already goes out with her daughter enough. She usually goes out to breakfast with her. She went one time with some of the residents to the All Saints Luther and Church on LaGrange. It was Ash Wednesday, and she never did it when she was younger. She planned on going again. When her sister came to visit her with her kids they took a whole tour of Chicago because she had never seen Chicago before.
She was asked about the JFK assasionation. She said it was very shocking when she found out. She was very sad and worried about what was going to happen to our country. She thought he was a good president. She said another teacher she worked with said, “That is another democrat out the way.” She was then asked about World War 2 and she said she was about 23 years old. She said that people were afraid they were going to be attacked in the west coast Pacific Ocean. They thought they might be invaded. When Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the Japanese camps she said she disagreed with it. She didn’t believe they were a threat. Her husband got drafted in October. It was only four months after they had gotten married. His eye sight was not that good so he was not sent to combat. He was at the hospital and he assigned an office. He was gone for about 3 years. She then talked about the Great Depression. She had to go without many things. They used lamps so they can save electricity. It has influenced her life. She learned that what she needed and what she wanted was not the same. She said that she thought Hitler was an evil man.
During the time she lived in Urbana she lived with all white people. African Americans lived on the other side. When they were brought to the school they had a hard time associating with each other. They didn’t know how to react with each other. She said that is when she learned what the word honkey meant. She said they were acting out because of the uncomfortable position they were in. a boy that was only in the first grade tore all the papers and posters that she had for children to look at and he threw them out. She said that there were two African American teachers. One of them taught the first grade and the other one taught fourth grade. She said one of the teachers was mean. She said that teacher would not be very nice to the students. She had her own way of teaching her students. She said that they asked some teachers to watch that teacher to improve their teaching. She said she thinks that they wanted her to see how that teacher was teaching and maybe learn a little from her.
She seems to be an open minded person. She is a Caucasian that is thin but yet still in good shape. She is also a very nice lady that doesn’t seem to judge people. She believes that if a person is not ready for a child then they shouldn’t have one. She is not against abortion because she knows some people might not be able to support that child. She supports parenthood because she says that it helps the people who need it. She really likes kids. She seems to be easy to get along with. She has a very nice personality. -
Susan Bayaa
I was reading The Cycle Of Socialization and was interested in it because I did believe some of the things that were said in it. I do believe that your parents or the ones closest to you do influence you on a lot of things and mostly what you believe. Their are some parents that are racist that I have came in contact with and their children are as well racist too. I laways tried to figure out how they see the difference or what they see is really different but then again if you are taught to look at that you will notice it…unless you really think for yourself. We are created in a cycle because their are things that are said is suppose happen in that order. For example some people look at teenagers with kids very bad because they ended up having a kid at that age and because they did before marriage. The other cycle that we are brought into that some of us may not really think about is school. Everyone knows we are suppose to go to school and get our education and we are judged on our education. People that have not graduated from high school are looked at differenlty. People that have been through college and graduated are also looked at differently but in a good way. I also do agree that we are also judged by our race, gender, culture, and so on. mostly every race there is a certain remark a person can make, there is a certain sterotype. Genders are also what I believe to be sterotyped too. For example when you think of a mechanic you would not think of a woman being a mechanic. I also know a lot of people that believe that mostly nurses are suppose to be women and doctors are men and sometimes can be woman. There is a lot in our life that is sterotyped and a cycle that keeps repeating.
Harro, Bobby. “The Cycle Of Socialization.”(2012): 15-21. Splatter.writing101.net. Web. 22 Mar. 2012 -
Susan Bayaa
Couldnt figure out any other way
Writing Assessment Susan Bayaa
1. My drafts have been complete or at least as much as I can as possible. I am trying my hardest but I feel like I can do better but I don’t have enough time. I work and I don’t have a computer where I stay.
2. I am trying to find time to revise some of my papers especially my recent paper because Mr. Mcguire told me how to fix my paper and make it better.
3. I have been doing my peer review and have been writing on what they wrote about. I wrote on how I felt about the subject and if it does or doesn’t affect us, or if it is an important issue.
4. I try to talk in class whenever I can and whenever I think I have something good to say. I have been posting on splatter but I have not done any open conversation. I don’t have a complete that has internet that I can just spend my time reading what everyone writes.
5. I have been doing the reading assignments but it is getting harder to keep up because there is so much going on in so little time. I have not been asking questions but I have been posting journals on it.
6. I went to my professor to get feedback and my friends sometimes look over my writing. I have not yet gone to the writing center, and no I have not taken advantage of my opportunities I need to figure out some time.
7. I have learned that com 102 has a lot of writing and things going on. I have learned that there is a lot of problems that we have too. Examples are child abuse and recycling and so on.
8. I need to have a set schedule so I can do my assignments better and be able to take advantage of my professor but I have not yet gone to the writing center.
9. I think I am getting a B but I want to try to raise it up. I want to be able to have an A in this class.
10.I wish we can have less assignments because it is somewhat overwhelming.-
Prof McGuire
This was supposed to be a private document, printed, and turned into me in class.
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Susan Bayaa
My journal entry is going to be about using Wikipedia. I remembered something about Wikipedia in chapter five and I decided I wanted to write about it. Basically it was talking about if we really are able to use Wikipedia or not. Wikipedia is not that bad but it is not really reliable. If you want to refresh your memory on something then you are able to go to Wikipedia and read a little to remember a couple of things but it really is not a good source to use for a paper. I believe I heard that Wikipedia is basically a website where anyone can post anything. I’m not 100 percent sure but I know I have heard that from a teacher and that is why we were never able to use it. Even though some of the things on Wikipedia is true not a lot of people will trust the information that is presented on it. Even though it is easy like Eric DeVillez said don’t go through trying to convince people it’s true from wiki and just find it on another website. All you have to do is just take a little more time into finding a better sourceful website. It would be less of a hassle and much easier for you if you think about it. Plus a lot more people will believe you more if you were using something else then Wikipedia. Again I’m not saying it is a bad website but it just isn’t really reliable.
DeVillez, Eric R, Michael McGuire, Thomas P. Dow, Troy A. Swanson. “Why White Rice? “So–Is it Okay to Use Wikipedia, Then?” Kendall Hunt. 2010. p.122 Print -
Susan Bayaa
Dear Editor
An interesting story was dropped into my hands. The one thing I don’t understand is how not a lot of people are doing anything about it. Child abuse is a big issue and not a lot of people recognize it. I did some research and figured out that 1.5 million child abuse cases are reported but only 1400 are actually responded to a month. I know people might think that is a lot but what about the children that have not been saved from it. Children that have been abused affect people around them. On the news the other day they said this 16 year old kid went into his school and shot three kids. They figured out that he was abused as a child. As I was saying other people do get affected by children that have been abused. It also isn’t right for a child to be abused it affects the way that child will do in school and how he or she reacts with other people. The choices that child will make are affected by his or her childhood. One article I was reading said that child abuse is one of the five leading causes of childhood death. That is really upsetting to hear. I wish other people can really understand and see how bad it is. I want more people to know what is going on and try to help children that are or have been abused. They need someone to talk to, someone to trust, and someone that will actually listen to them. There are many ways we all can help. If someone knows that a person is being abused try to help them, but first talk to them see what they want to do. They might not want to go to a “big building” and live there. The reason I say that is because a close friend of mine was put into that situation. They really didn’t pay them much attention either. The child might just want to go to a different family or maybe a different relative without the family knowing. The best way of helping out children that have been abused is to talk to them but it needs to be more out there that children are being abused.
Sincerely,
Susan-
Shannon Ratzel
Raise your hand if you’re sick of doing these! *hand raise.
I like the fact that you found an article or story that stuck to your topic. I had a hard time finding anything on my topic. Did you find an actual article or was this just related to your topic? “Children that have been abused affect people around them. On the news the other day they said this 16 year old kid went into his school and shot three kids. They figured out that he was abused as a child.” I watching the news and I heard about it. They did say he was abused so I agree with you when you say that children who are abused affect those around them. Sometimes they bully other kids. Sometimes they react in ways they shouldn’t to little things. I know a girl who was abused and she would just cry all the time or randomly she’d hit people or freak out on them for no reason. It was really sad. How the hell are you supposed to write five hundred words on an assignment that is only two hundred fifty words? Yea, I’m confused too. I noticed she had a hard time in school. She had a hard time concentrating on much of anything. She’s away at school now and from my knowledge she’s doing much better.“One article I was reading said that child abuse is one of the five leading causes of childhood death. That is really upsetting to hear.” Oh my god. That’s terrible. Have you heard of shaken baby syndrome? I feel that’s so sad that someone would shake a baby out of anger or beat their little girl because that had too much to drink. It’s sad to think that someone would beat their kid if they didn’t win a soccer game or a basketball tournament. I agree with you when you say something should be done about this. What can we do? This is something I feel like I would really like to help out on. I feel upset that I didn’t help out my friend more but she would always say she didn’t want help. I agree with you though when you say that kids usually need someone who will listen to them. I tried to listen whenever I could. I tried to be there for her as much as possible. I wish there was a way children could get out of their rough situations without having to be awkwardly taken away by child services and dropped in a random house. It’s a good thing when children can go to their grandparents or aunts and uncles. That girl stayed at her house but I know before she went to school she was going to move in with her grandparents.
What are you criticizing that you didn’t like in the newspaper or article? It’s a good thing you brought this to light though but how can we change it? Judging by this piece of writing, your writing has been getting better. As we move along in the course your writing gets cleaner and well rounded.
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Selina Littlefield
Child abuse is a huge issue that we should all be informed about. It is very sad to hear about things that are going on in these kids personal lives. You would think that all parents would have their children’s best interest at heart and some are not like that. You cannot really tell what is going on in young child’s life unless they tell you or if they have visible marks. Kids generally hide all the negativity that is going on at home because they might be embarrassed about the situation or to scared to tell anybody. They might be scared to tell people what is going on with them because they might be scared of their parents retaliation. They might think they are all alone and there is no way out of it. We need to start talking with young children they we know and build a relationship so they are comfortable with telling you things. We need to let them know that everything is going to be okay and it is okay to speak your mind and tell others what is going on with you. “Child abuse is a big issue and not a lot of people recognize it. I did some research and figured out that 1.5 million child abuse cases are reported but only 1400 are actually responded to a month.” Those are crazy statistics and the rates should not be that high. I know when I have kids some day I am going to make sure I have the best connection with them as I possibly can. If someone is bothering them, I want to know. I want to do something about it to help them because things like that is completely unnecessary. “On the news the other day they said this 16 year old kid went into his school and shot three kids. They figured out that he was abused as a child.” That is extremely shocking. No kid should ever have the accessibly to an assault weapon and to know that these young kids can get a hold of something that is so deadly scares me. We go to school to learn and to get a better education. To actually be something when we are older and make good money. We should not be worrying about getting shot or hurt while trying to better ourselves as a human being. “One article I was reading said that child abuse is one of the five leading causes of childhood death. That is really upsetting to hear. I wish other people can really understand and see how bad it is.” I did not know that child abuse was a one of the leading deaths to young children. It is extremely sad to hear innocent victims are lost to abuse that frequently. We never know what people do behind closed doors, but when it is brought to the light someone should always report if they see any wrong doing done to a child. Overall very nice paper and I think you did a great job. This subject is a very big issue that needs to be addressed.
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Shaun Smith
I think you have made a good point about what has been going on for years, but the fact is that this was a pressing issue many years ago. Years ago the Government was cracking down about how children were being abused, and what they could do to change this problem. It’s still a problem today just the only difficult thing about it is trying to catch child abuse. Most child abuse cases happen when the parents are at home, and behind closed doors so that no one can see what is going on. Parents who are abusing their children usually hit the child in places where bruises or marks can not be seen. We as adults need to step up and stop child abuse all at once. The one way we can make a difference is to report any signs of child abuse. I am not sure if their are any places that we can call, and that may help your letter to the editor to provide a phone number or place of contact. Our goal is to help put an end to child abuse, but i wish you could show us where we should begin to get the ball rolling. I don’t have any idea what I could do to help change this issue rather then just keep an eye out for abuse in public. I see that you feel strong about this topic, but i think that if your writing this to an editor that you should give us a direction in which we could take it. A lot of people have strong feelings against child abuse as well, but they all don’t know what they can simply do to stop it. I think they should be given an ultimatum, and consequences for child abuse should be amped up in our legal system. Child abuse has long term ailments as well. From records it can lead to children having a violent future, especially with the ability to access weapons easier now. I have heard stories that the two kids who had the school shooting at Columbine were abused as children. Even more recently the news reported a story about a child who walked into his school with a gun. It certainly seems that these children have a violent history, but where are they learning it from. Simply by being abused as a child can commit to long term problems down the road that can lead to an even bigger issue. Stopping child abuse is a huge one and if we act now, then we can make the world a safer place once again one step at a time.
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Susan Bayaa
The journal I wanted to write today is about something useful I found in Why White Rice? The article I would say that I found in the book was The Social Side of Research. I know the best way of finding out something is to go on the internet. A lot of people always do their research on the internet, but actually the best way of finding the best results and answers is going straight to the source as Michael McGuire said. What I think it meant was if you know someone that has information about your topic or knowledge about your research why not go to them first. Especially if they had experience on your topic. It kind of is like if you wanted to be a teacher and you wanted to know how to become one. You probably would do some research online to try to find out how to become one. The question I want to ask is why don’t you go and ask a teacher. They obviously did it so why not ask for the information where it can actually be explained to you. I believe you would understand a lot more when someone is telling you about it than when you are trying to figure out which one is better online. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that researching is bad it really does help but when you have someone to actually make you understand your topic better why not take it. Take advantage of that situation.
DeVillez, Eric R, Thomas P.Dow,Michael S. McGuire, Troy A. Swanson. Why White Rice?: The Social Side of Research: Talking with Experts.Dubuque, IA. 2010. 127 Print. -
Susan Bayaa
Outline
Speech
Intro- about child abuse
- different kinds of abuse
More info
- people are affected by it
- children need help
- not a lot of people consider it
- not hard to help
- affected physically and mentally
Conclusion
- help out
- speak to someone who has been abused
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Susan Bayaa
The journal I want to write about today is about what I have read in Why White Rice? It basically talks about how to research and how to kind of build your paper. I like the example that was put about the 77th floor and the million dollars. What I understood from it was you are on the 77th floor in a building and you know that there is a million dollars in the building too. The only problem is that you don’t know where it is or how to get to it. That is basically like writing your paper. You have to ask yourself how much you actually know about what you are writing about. I liked the example a lot because it made a lot of sense. That is why we do research. We have to know a lot about our paper so that we can actually talk about it and know what we are talking about. We have to know the history and what is happening on both sides of the argument too. For the example of the million dollars and the 77th floor we are given a map and all we have to do is follow it. The map represents our research. You need a good map so you can follow. You need good research so you can argue. You always have to know what you are talking about because if there is a flaw you might have lost an argument. For background information a best source for it would be encyclopedias not Wikipedia.
DeVillez, Eric R, Thomas P.Dow,Michael S. McGuire, Troy A. Swanson. Why White Rice?: 5.6 Where? (Have a Plan And Play The Odds). Dubuque, IA. 2010 114-115 Print. -
Susan Bayaa
Abuse
The scars that show on the outside are not as painful as the scars that stay with you. Children have been abused for a very long time. Why people don’t acknowledge it is my one question I will never figure out. These children don’t know what to do or who to say something to. They are scared. A lot of people might have been abused when they were children but they keep it to themselves. If some people take the time to try to help those children maybe we would not have so many messed up people in the head. There are a lot of organizations a person can go to and maybe help out. It might be someone you know that you never would have guessed but it does affect them later. Child abuse is explored as an injury caused physically or mentally. This is a big issue that a lot of people don’t recognize.
I used to have a friend that was abused as a child. We will call her Kathy. Kathy used to keep to herself but had a great personality. You wouldn’t think there is anything wrong but if you know what she has been through and if she really tells you what she thinks and how it affected her you wouldn’t believe it. I told her I wouldn’t mention a lot of things but basically she was beaten with anything her dad could have put his hands on. Her dad seemed like a very nice person but looks can be deceiving. I remember meeting him and when she told me some of the things he had done to her I was surprised. He literally would beat her with anything he could. She told me that the worst was the hose. She explained that it would feel like she was bleeding inside of her skin if that makes sense. It was extremely painful. I couldn’t believe someone could be so cruel. She wouldn’t say anything to anyone because she has gotten used to it but it has damaged her. She has been hit on the head, she has passed out, and she also had a mini panic attack. She is somewhat messed up in the head and she knows it. She doesn’t remember a lot anymore about her childhood which I think she might have blocked it because it might have been too painful but we will never really know. She used drugs and was kind of hooked on them for a little but we helped her through that once she left her house. She is doing a little better but she still has a lot of anger that needs to be let out in a positive way. I’m just glad that we were able to help her through that. There are still people that are like that and do need any help that they can get.
Victims of child abuse have had long term negative psychological and physical behavioral and academic affect. Children that have been in those kinds of homes usually end up with school problems, suffer from ADHD, and stress. Not a lot of people notice it and it affects them throughout there wholes lives when it could have been prevented. One of the five leading causes of childhood death is from child abuse. It has serious psychical, emotional, and behavioral consequences that lead toward aggression and violence. Why would we want more violence? Don’t we try to prevent and go after people that are violent? Parents that abuse their children are just disgusting. They might not realize that since they are abusing them they are going to grow up being violent. They will have anger built up. Hwang Chum was a guy who took in children that were being abused. One time this little girl that he had taken in did something that was a little bit aggressive. “What was so terrible was that this little child had an unresolved anger in her heart. One day, she took out a fish from the fish tank and cut it with scissors to express her anger.” Hwang said. To me that was horrible I know I wouldn’t want my little sister or a child of mine to be going to school with her. I know it’s not her fault but I wouldn’t want that image stuck in her head. Children that are abused are affecting people around them. That is not a healthy environment. We wonder why there are so many messed up people in this world. The answer is right there. They were raised with so much hatred what else do you expect from them.
“Child abuse is not an isolated phenomenon that happens to other people; it affects everyone and can happen in all families. It is part of the culture and reflects the values and commitments of contemporary society.”—Carolyn Moore Newberger. The abuse of a family member is viewed by general society as a personal matter. But why not help out? If you can do something why wouldn’t you? A report that was released by Centers of Disease Control and Prevention mentioned that Domestic violence is a public health issue that needs to have attention from all of society. Why don’t people really listen and look at this situation more causously. There is a cycle. The child gets abused he or she will abuse someone when they can to let out that anger. That person could end up someone you know. So why wait? There are a lot of organizations that work on this problem such as Child Help USA, Child Welfare League of America (CWLA), and National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect (NCCAN). There is also The Child Abuse and Neglect State Grants which for the past five years have responded to child abuse reports and it recruits and trains volunteers. That would be a great way to help out. Try and volunteer it wouldn’t be hard and it doesn’t involve something big. It could be simple.
There are a lot of children affected by it. There are about 1.5 million child abuse cases reported. Only 1400 are responded to a month. That is a lot but still not enough. There are still a lot more that are being affected and might not be able to say anything. It can affect the way a child acts. Hwang said, “I see so much sorrow and anger in the kids who arrive. If these children grow up with such anger, they will be more prone to antisocial activities.”
In the 17th century it was identified that the responsibility for caring for abused children was the governments. In 1909 the first White house Conference of the care of dependent children was held by Theodore Roosevelt. In 1912 legislation to “investigate and report” was signed by President William Taft. In 1944 the Supreme Court confirmed that the states had the authority to intervene in family relations in Massachusetts. Obviously it is a big issue that needs attention from a lot of people that can help out. In 1971 the California court recognized a medical and legal syndrome which was “battered child syndrome.” It’s a syndrome so you know it has affected them really bad.
The reason most doctors found out that people abuse their kids is because they were abused too. Women might also be abused the male partner. To me it seems like a cycle that won’t stop until the cycle is stopped. There are other simple ways to help people that are being abused just by telling that person to get help or even helping that person out by getting them away from that person.
A lot of people are being affected by child abuse. People who were abused as children will grow up with anger. It will also affect them in certain ways. A lot of people know about child abuse but do not take it into consideration. They don’t really think about it as much as we hope they would. People think it is the government’s job or just family problem that that person needs to take care of. It is a big issue. It is a sad thing that is happening to a lot of children and it needs to stop. We need to try to help children who are being abused before it’s too lateThis article basically says that the children that are being abused are not only abused physically but they are also abused mentally. They say that the child programs aren’t really doing a very good job because there are children that are in need for psychical therapy. They need to have their mind set clear too. It’s not always the physically pain that is causing the problem but they are the ones that are affecting them mentally. They are saying that most of the organizations look at the child’s health they look how they are physically but they are not always going to show physical pain. I also believe there is a lot in the head they need to work on the most. They also give some address for prevention and treatment for child abuse. It also helps you understand a little about how psychologically could help out more into children that have been abused. Most children need help with what is going through their heads. They need to be with physiologist. They also were saying that children should be taken out of the homes of where they are being abused. They are mostly trying to say the child programs should try to reduce the psychological problems.
This article says that there are also sexual abuses from children and that is part of child abuse. Which I do agree it is. They are saying that doctors, teachers, and parents are not telling the police about the children being abused. There was an issue in this article that this assistant couch was trying to hide a sexual encounter with this girl. The couch was trying to cover it up by not saying anything. The only thing was that this note was found. The note was from the assistant couch apologizing to the girl. They say that people don’t really do what they are supposed to do and if the people don’t then at least the government should. There are a lot of abuse going on and not being taken into consideration.
This is also another article that is being said to being ignored. What I mean by this is that the people don’t really pay attention to what is going on. This is another sexual incident. They are making progress and people have been speaking up but not as much as they should. Abuse is still abuse and it will affect everyone around that person. It is not really hard to notice unless the person is really trying hard. But at least society has become more aware on the situation.
Citations
ProQuest Staff. “At issue: Child Abuse.” ProQuest LLC. 2012: n.pag. SIRS Issues Researcher. Web. 16 Feb 2012.
“National Center on Abuse and NNeglect (NCCAN).” Fact sheet: Administration on Children, Youth, and Families. March 1992: n.p. SIRS Government Reporter. Web. 16 Feb 2012.
ProQuest Staff. “Child Abuse Timeline.” Leading Issues Timelines. Jan. 10 2012: n.p. SIRS Issues Researcher. Web 17 Feb 2012.
Mankiller, Wilma, and others. “Child Abuse.” The Readers Companion to the U.S. Women’s History. Dec. 1 1998: n.p. SIRS Issues Researcher. Web. 17 Feb 2012.
Gilonna, John M. “Sanctuary for Abused Kids.” Los Angeless Times. 02 Nov 2011: A.4. SIRS Issues Researcher. Web. 17 Feb 2012.
Rusell, Rose. “Violence As a Public Health Issue.” Toledo Blade. 16 Jan 2010: n.p. SIRS Issues Researcher. Web. 18 Feb 2012.
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Shannon Ratzel
I like your topic. It’s not one I would even think of right off the bat. Most people I see have been writing about Gay Rights, or Terrorism, or recycling so that is cool of you to think outside the box a little bit. So far in the first paragraph I like the sentence, “If some people take the time to try to help those children maybe we would not have so many messed up people in the head.” It stood out to me because it’s true. Also, it kind of made me giggle.
I can relate to what you say by looks can be deceiving when it came to your friend Kathy’s father. People think my dad is the coolest guy in the world but he’s actually has a rather dark mean streak. He doesn’t beat me but I can relate to what you’re saying.
“She explained that it would feel like she was bleeding inside of her skin if that makes sense.” Take out the phrase “if that makes sense.” It makes your writing seem immature. “I told her I wouldn’t mention a lot of things but basically she was beaten with anything her dad could have put his hands on.” Take out, “I told her I wouldn’t mention…” we don’t exactly need to know that. Yes, you’re supposed to be relatable but this is also a college-level research paper. Your paper throughout it has immature writing to it. It seems like you’re writing this as a journal entry. Try and use proper words and combine sentences to make them more complex.
You’re also lacking your in note citations. The in note citations are how you reference an idea in your paper that isn’t your own.
Example: “Victims of child abuse have had long term negative psychological and physical behavioral and academic affect. Children that have been in those kinds of homes usually end up with school problems; suffer from ADHD, and stress.” Where did you get this idea from? Let’s say you got it from your first source you put at the bottom of your paper, “ProQuest Staff. “At issue: Child Abuse.” ProQuest LLC. 2012: n.pag. SIRS Issues Researcher. Web. 16 Feb 2012.”
Especially here, “There are a lot of children affected by it. There are about 1.5 million child abuse cases reported. Only 1400 are responded to a month.” I know you got that information somewhere.
You would cite this: Victims of child abuse have had long term negative psychological and physical behavioral and academic affect. Children that have been in those kinds of homes usually end up with school problems, suffer from ADHD, and stress (ProQuest Staff).You absolutely MUST cite your sources IN your paper otherwise professors will count that as plagiarism.
You also have to separate your topics into segments. See the actual sheet for reference.
You have a good topic but you need to sharpen your writing skills. I didn’t really learn that much about your topic because nothing seemed professionally written.
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Selina Littlefield
I love the way you started off your paper. You really drew my attention and I loved the way you described everything thoroughly. Abuse is really hard to deal with. Its so sad to hear about people that are going through that. These kids are innocent and they don’t know what to do or who to turn too. “These children don’t know what to do or who to say something to. They are scared. A lot of people might have been abused when they were children but they keep it to themselves. If some people take the time to try to help those children maybe we would not have so many messed up people in the head”
I agree that young innocent children do not want people to look at them differently or not want their abuser to get in trouble because they fear of the consequences. We should encourage our kids to be open with us and to tell us if anything is wrong with them. Because us as adults we never want to see young children in danger. Abuse is something that is very hard to deal with and often leaves permanent scars. When something happens to them that is so traumatic they don’t know if they can deal with it will effect them in the long run. Someone being abused will suffer and have those thoughts in the back of their head their rest of their life. I could relate to you having a friend that was abused. She did seem normal on the outside, but I knew their was some deep hostility on the inside. The things that she has went through is going to be there forever. I don’t ever believe she all the way through it but I do think she will be pretty close to it. Its hard to move on from things that have hurt you in the past. People will often have a shield up because they do not want to be hurt again. The people amongst this world are cruel. Often abusers have many problems and like to let it out on the wrong people. I love the way you gave a personal connection to the reader and this just lets us know about you. I admired that you showed personal experiences and it tied into your subject quite well. “Parents that abuse their children are just disgusting. They might not realize that since they are abusing them they are going to grow up being violent. They will have anger built up.” I agree with you fully on that. Often parents punish their children the wrong way. Some parents think its okay to spank, hit, and beat their children if they are not following the rules. It is problems within the grown-ups head that they need to figure out. This is not the correct form of positive reinforcement. We need to encourage our children to be the best they can be and let them know we love them and are here for them. Great paper and kept me wanting to learn more about the cause. -
Shaun Smith
I believe you have a great start to getting your paper rolling. Child abuse is a topic that many people can relate too, and that a lot of people can not stand to see but don’t stand up and do something about it. I want to cover the negatives first. I believe that you really need to separate your paper into more legitimate paragraphs. They seem to just blend together and it would help to be able to format it to the description of our writing Mr. McGuire had handed us. I think that if you set your paragraphs up in this order that it would really help the reader to know what they are reading. I found myself questioning if I was reading about what the problem was, or if I was I was reading about additional information, or even how to help solve the problem. Also, I saw that you had just posted the whole html code to your paragraph. In my honest opinion I think you should have just narrowed it down to just the website. It made the paper look to crowded, and threw me off when I was trying to read it as well. I think that if you just simply finished off a paragraph and put them in at the end, you could say for additional information you can look to help from this website and then insert it. The last thing I would like to touch on is I didn’t find too much about programs or details about organizations that the reader could go to seek help, or ask for more information on. This is a key point to the format, and I believe you should make sure that it stands out in your paper. Along with that I also didn’t see too much of what I could do to help solve the problem. That is also an essential point to this paper, and if you included those two things in strictly formatted paragraphs where the reader knew what the intent was then your paper would be well on its way to achieving an A. The things you did well on was you had good information on the topic, which showed you put a lot of time into your research. I didn’t know that before reading this that child abuse can lead to ADHD, which is a very serious issue in itself. You have great key points to keep the attention of your audience. Your just missing the backups, and how to get people motivated to help try and stop this issue. In other words, in order to stop making it a more informational essay, I think you should go back and try to make it persuasive, and achieve the goal of getting your reader motivated. Overall it was nicely written, you just need to touch up on a few things, then you will achieve the greatest goal of the assignment. I would like to see a copy with the revision as well if possible.
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Susan Bayaa
Fancy pants. Honestly I really liked what Tom Dow was saying in “Write That Down”. Basically what I understood from what he wrote was your ideas have to be good the words are not that important. What I mean by that is words don’t have to be fancy. A lot of people might think that it sounds better, and maybe it does but you also want to make sure the reader understands what you are trying to get to. I’ll be honest I don’t use fancy words, I like my nice simple words. I feel like everyone will be able to understand and it is straight forward. I always thought I was the only one who was trying to figure out what the person ment when they used words that were kind of complex. After I read “Write That Down” I feel like maybe I’m not the only one. To me good writers can keep a person interested in what they are writing. So saying that when I read something and I start feeling like I have no idea what they are saying I stop reading. I enjoy reading “Why White Rice” because it isn’t complicated and it is actually really easy to understand. You don’t consider it as a textbook and it is interesting because it is simple and straight forward. I guess Tom got keeping the language simple from Eric, but it still is good advice. A lot of people really think they will get a better grade if they use better complex words. What some poeple don’t get is that what good is it if not a lot of people are really understanding what that writer is trying to say because some of the words that writer chose. All I have to say is that I agree with Tom when he said, “Let your ideas shine, not your fancy words”.
Dow, Tom. “Write That Down”. Why White Rice. Forsythe, Jeffrey. Dubuque: Kendall Hunt Publishing Company, 2001. 98 -
Susan Bayaa
Wait what? How do you know this? Where is the proof? Throughout my years in school when you write about something you have to be able to prove it. And it can’t be a hint it has to be full proof. I always thought that wasn’t a very good idea because it doesn’t let people expand their minds. In class I really did feel like you actually let us think for ourselves. You don’t say it’s wrong you just ask why we think that is. That also helps us expand our minds. Well I did want to go back to the story we read and went over in class. What It Means When A Crowd In A Faraway Nation Takes A Soldier Representing Your Own Nation, Shoots Him, Drags Him From His Vehicle And Then Mutilates Him In The Dust was a little confusing to actually tell what was really going on. At first I did think the guy was old and I thought he was kind of bitter. Although he does care about the guy that was found dead under the truck he didn’t care about the other people that have died for other reasons. The reason I think he only cared about the man in the paper was because that man was trying to do something. He was trying help his country, he was making a difference which lead this old man to actually care. The only thing I didn’t get is it bothered him a lot and he really wanted to do something about it—but he didn’t.
Citation-
Prof McGuire
no citation?
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Susan Bayaa
For this exercise I found it hard not to be prejudice. I am usually not a prejudice person but it is hard when you are under specific instructions. We had to pick a certain amount of people that can stay alive. To me I looked at it as who would be more helpful if they survived. They needed to rely on each other and the education that each person had. I figured that the best way to pick is to have each person with a different occupation and they also had to be healthy otherwise they would end up passing away because of their health and they wouldn’t be able to help anyone. My group also agreed that whoever is most useful gets to stay. I know that may sound kind of harsh but in reality that is how it will end up. You want someone that is healthy and not too old and that can also be useful. For example there were two people in the medical field but one of them already had two heart attacks and was 66 years old. We obviously chose the younger one that didn’t have heart attacks. I do realize that it is a little prejudice but giving the circumstances there are other peoples’ lives at stack too. We figured we would pick people that would be able to help each other out. The way I understood it they would be the only ones alive so they need every resource and help they can get. That is why we chose who we chose.
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Susan Bayaa
The article that I wanted to talk about is “What It Means When A Crowd In A Faraway Nation Takes A Soldier Representing Your Own Nation, Shoots Him, Drags Him From His Vehicle And Then Mutilates Him In The Dust”. This article had me thinking at first. In the beginning I thought the guy was a big war person and doesn’t really care about anything but war. I didn’t really get what he was trying to say at first so I tried reading it again. What I understood was this guy being really upset because a soldier died, but he wouldn’t care about other people dying and I couldn’t understand why. Then I finally realized that he probably thinks that the guy is choosing to go to try to protect the country. What I mean by that is the guy chose to go and risk his life to protect other people. I would acknowledge him for that too. I think it really made the guy angry because no one put in more effort to investigating it properly. He was looking at the picture and he couldn’t find where the soldier was shot at and he didn’t see any blood either. I guess it might have upset him because he didn’t really know what to believe and he had no way of finding out. He might have been thinking about it a lot because he knew there was something wrong with the whole thing and it bothered him. He probably couldn’t get it out of his head. It was sad but it kept you reading.
Eggers, Dave. “How We Are Hungry”, What It Means When A Crowd In A Faraway Nation Takes A Soldier Representing Your Own Nation, Shoots Him, Drags Him From His Vehicle And Then Mutilates Him In The Dust. McSweeney’s, 2004. pgs 17-18. Splatter.writing101.net, Web. 02, February 2012 -
Susan Bayaa
Push Me.
I felt my heart drop. The pounding in my head was killing me. I soon woke up. I felt the sweat from my back on my shirt. My body was hot and my heart was still racing. Anger began to creep up on me and soon I began to feel anger toward everything. I felt an urge to hurt someone. Why? Why am I so angry? What just happened? I was still trying to put the pieces together. I was asleep and it was just a dream but why am I angry? What was my dream about? I felt confused.
I began to form my thoughts together. I needed to know every single detail there was. I needed to know the reason for my anger. I am not an angry or violent person but for some reason I wanted to hurt someone or something. I wanted to take my anger out and that is why I needed to find out the reason for my anger. I began to think harder. What was the last thing I remember? Who was in my dream? Then I had that picture in my head. That was the one I remember before waking up. Someone was trying to hurt my family. I felt the anger even more. That was the reason I was angry. The thought of someone hurting my family killed me. I wouldn’t let them touch a single hair that was on them. I remember me saying, “If you touch them I will kill you”. I really believed that I would actually do it. The feeling I had been taking over. I was never a violent person but that thought would just push me.
Am I really a violent person but I don’t know it? I never really had that type of feeling while I was awake before but at the same time I was never in that situation. I began to picture it in my head again. A guy wearing all black with something covering his head and black leather gloves. He also had these black leather boots with a little mud on them. In his hand was a gun. He had it pointed towards my mom and my boyfriend. All I can think about was taking that gun and shooting him with it just for pointing at them. Just because he had that thought of wanting to hurt them I wanted to hurt him. Wow! I never knew I could be that evil. I never thought of killing anyone, but that would really push me.
My head began to hurt. I would never want to be in that situation. I would never want to see anyone from my family even close to getting hurt. I feel like I have to protect them. Isn’t that the reason I am here anyway. Well that’s what I think. I am here to make sure no one gets close to hurting my family even if it does mean I would get hurt instead. I would rather get hurt them to see someone I truly cared about getting hurt. I would actually die for them. I know that may sound corny or somewhat crazy but honestly if you lose someone you care about it will kill you slowly anyway. I needed to calm down because I began to get angrier by the second. I wanted to go out and hit the first person I saw just to let it out. I began to think of a way to calm myself down. I don’t need to get angry because everyone is ok. No one is hurt. It was just a dream.
I began to laugh. How stupid is it to get angry over a dream? Really stupid. No one is getting hurt, in danger, or about to die. I was about to go outside and find someone to hurt over nothing. What if another person felt the same way I did and I hurt one of their family members. Then they would want to hurt me or one of my family members and that wouldn’t be good. I would have put my family in danger. Then I would only blame myself. I know my family getting hurt is an issue for me just because I thought about the dream for that long. All I can do is just make sure they are safe and not threatened in anyway. I don’t like violence in any way but when it comes down to it I think I wouldn’t be able to control it. All I can hope or is that no one touches them. I will hurt someone for wanting to hurt them.
I don’t know how many people would agree with me on that but it is my decision. It is my family. I care about my family deeply and I could not begin to imagine what I would do if someone hurt them. I know it isn’t a good thing to think like that but that is too bad. Everyone has their own mind, their own thoughts, and their own beliefs. My beliefs are different from other peoples but then again does anyone think the same. Do people really tell you what they are really thinking? I don’t think most people do. I think most people think people will judge them for how they think. I really don’t care. I will tell a person this. I will warn them not to hurt anyone I care about or I will hurt them. I will die trying to protect the people I care about. Why else are we here really? We go to school to get an education to have a good career. But for what? Isn’t it to help support our family? Or even our future family? I am a person who thinks a lot about a lot of things. I have a big heart even though I might sound evil by the time you get done reading this but honestly wouldn’t you do the same. Wouldn’t you want to hurt anyone that would hurt your family? I bet you would but you would never say it. It is what I believe. I won’t hide it because I would rather have that person know the truth. Other than that I can’t think of anything that would really make me want to hurt anyone. I would not allow anyone to hurt me. What I mean by that is I wouldn’t die or kill for any other reason. Think what you what to think it’s your thoughts. I have my thoughts and you have yours. If you would not kill for your family I think you are lying. Just think about the wars. Do you agree with them? Aren’t the people going to war trying to protect something or someone? Aren’t they killing for that reason? So tell me that I am the only one that thinks like that so I can prove you wrong. That is the best reason I can think of to getting pushed into killing anyone or even dying for. At the same time though I do not know if I would be able to when it comes down to it. I do not know if I am capable of killing anyone. I might say that now but I do not know if I could actually take someone’s life. So maybe I actually wouldn’t take a person’s life. I might just hurt them really bad but I really don’t like the idea of taking someone else’s life when it is not for me to take.-
Shannon Ratzel
I really like the opening to your piece. It drew me in and I wanted to continue reading. You could really tell you were angry about something. I get the same emotion you do when you start remembering your dream. My mother and my boyfriend are the closest people to me in the world and I would do anything for them. Just like you. “I know that may sound corny or somewhat crazy but honestly if you lose someone you care about it will kill you slowly anyway.” Bravo. That is everything I was trying to say in my essay wrapped into one sentence. It is so true. I like the turn you take on what would happen if you hurt someone else’s family. Most people don’t think of it in that way. I agree with you 100% on wanting to truly kill someone because they hurt your family. I feel the same way. Not about my own family but a family that is close to me. You seem very easy to relate to. I think it’s true in the fact that most people won’t tell you the truth about things. I think the truth they are not telling is that they say they would die for someone they care about but I don’t think most would. I feel as though a lot of people are all talk and when it came down to the wire, they would think about themselves before they thought about anyone else. I applaud you for actually being brave and hopefully the situation will never come that you would have to put your life on the line. I applaud you for being honest when you say you don’t know if you could take someone’s life. You’re right. That is such a hard thing to decide. You do not sound evil. You sound like a person with a big heart and know who to save it for; your mom and boyfriend.
I don’t want to point out anything bad because you have a good piece going here but you left out part of your essay. Don’t forget you have to write about what you live for. A good start would be you live for your mother and your boyfriend. You could maybe say what they have done for you to make you care so much that you would kill or die for them. Maybe you could write about why you wouldn’t live for anyone else but them. I would tone it down on the questions as well. Maybe explain your emotions instead of questioning ours. For example, instead of asking “Why? Why am I so angry? What just happened? I was still trying to put the pieces together. I was asleep and it was just a dream but why am I angry? What was my dream about?” you could explain how you were angry. You could say I’m ready to tear my sheets off my bed or I’m shaking with anger when finally I realized why I had woken from an awful slumber..and then explain the dream. I think you have a great start though. Good job.-
Susan Bayaa
Thank you I do appreciate you taking the time to help me out and giving me examples on how to make it better. I might have not been too clear about what I live for, but i did put that in there. I live to protect them. I probably need to work on improving that, maybe make it more clearer.
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Shaun Smith
Your introduction to this piece was remarkable, it draws in the readers attention and keeps them going. As I read on you begin to describe yourself self, and your feelings which helps to keep your writing rolling. I believe as well as you do that anyone has anger when someone they love is put in harms way, and that their natural instinct is to do anything to save them from this. Your article is meaningful, and the fact that it is so relatable makes it outstanding to read. I also really like how you didn’t just start your essay off broad and begin to tell your readers why you are writing this. It grasps people and really helps them along because it simply draws away from someone’s typical thoughts on reading a paper. In retrospect I do believe that you should add some length to the other portions of your writing. I feel that it was centralized on just the what you live for portion of the topic. I know talking about what you would kill for is a difficult subject because that is not something we ordinarily think about, but if you could add a few lines of material to that portion it would help make it a grade A paper. I also may not be realizing it but it seems to me that you left out the what you would die for portion of the topic as well. It’s difficult to tell whether you covered it or not quite simply because of the way it was written. It isn’t a bad thing though just if you could fill in the holes a little bit. I know we have all strayed from our guidelines a little bit, and that is what makes these essays great, but following them allows us to open up our minds to more thinking. Overall the introduction was a great asset to your writing in this particular subject. Following it up with your personal experiences helps the reader to really get to know you and what you believe in. I just would like to see more attention for the other two topics as well. You could add something like the only reason I would kill is if I was put into this circumstance. Even if you just added some additional information to what you would die for, it would make the paper seem not so heavily one sided of a topic. Also, the what you live for portion of the topic seems a little unclear. If you add some point blank sentences to describe your intentions then it would help to clear it up. If you just re read you may come across ideas on how you can show some more of your personal emotion to help describe what you are truly writing for. 1You have a good start, I just feel that its missing some vital filling information. When you revise this you might be able to think about what else you could add more clearly, because to be honest, we all don’t get it perfect the first time. You are a great writer, keep up the great work and you will have huge success.
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Susan Bayaa
Thanks, I tried not making like I was answering questions and that is probably why it seemed a little unclear. I wanted the reader to read between the lines and try to figure out but what they read but I don’t think that worked so the next essay we write I can make much clearer. I’ll also try to cover more information on it too.
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Selina Littlefield
I understand completely where you are coming from after reading your draft. I absolutely agree with you about fighting for your family. My family means the world to me and I would do anything just to make sure they are happy and healthy. I liked the way you started it off with a dream that made you upset. You made the essay more personal and related it to past experiences. You described a great display of imagery and I could completely feel your anger. I believe your title was very clever and you did a great job of interpreting how you felt. You said, “I do not know if I would be able to when it comes down to it. I do not know if I am capable of killing anyone. I might say that now but I do not know if I could actually take someone’s life. So maybe I actually wouldn’t take a person’s life. I might just hurt them really bad but I really don’t like the idea of taking someone else’s life when it is not for me to take.” I agree with you on that on my many levels because it takes a heartless person to turn around and kill someone with no remorse. That is why I do not understand what is going on in the world today. There are so many killings that are going on and it seems like we do not care that much about ourselves. People do not think about what they are doing. They are robbing someone of their souls and robbing their future. Everyone has the potential to be something great; we were all put on this earth for a reason. It is up to no one but God to judge when it is someone’s time to die. Therefore, it is terribly hard to even think about my family being in danger. What we have in common is we would do anything to make sure that they are safe. I understand that you would live, die, and most likely kill for them. You are very passionate about your loved ones and I admire that. I would have liked to know more things you would live and die for and other things you have strong feelings towards. “I am here to make sure no one gets close to hurting my family even if it does mean I would get hurt instead. I would rather get hurt them to see someone I truly cared about getting hurt. I would actually die for them. I know that may sound corny or somewhat crazy but honestly if you lose someone you care about it will kill you slowly anyway.” You are very brave and I 100% agree with out on. It is tough losing a loved one, but life is full of hardships. You just have to be strong and learn to deal with it. Adding more variety to your paper would make it sky rocket. You did a great job and I enjoyed reading.
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Susan Bayaa
Ecological literacy to me is thinking about our life. What we are surrounded by and how it effects our communities. As I began to read the story I realized that ecological literate means the principle of everything. Understanding how everything works and understanding how everything that needs to be. It is about our community, our ecosystem, our understanding of evolution. With each year we get newer technologies. People are worried about money more then they are worried about helping our community. We want to try to keep the ecosystem clean so we are able to have another generation. Its sad to say but I am not ecologically literate. It isn’t that I wouldn’t like to be it is just that I don’t have much time to help out. The society we live in today has most people looking for jobs or trying to juggle jobs and keep up. There is no time to even think about trying to help. I would like to because it is helping our environment. Sadly to say but the economy is mostly about competition. There are a lot we still have to understand about our ecosystem that we still don’t completely understand. We are suppose to be learning how to become better at doing things not have things do it for us. We have to be more independent. We have to be able to rely on ourselves but we just became so used to the society like this that we wouldn’t even be able to make things on our own. We would be lost. We have moving stairs that is how dependent we became. It would be nice but at the same time a pain to be independent but we could at least try to help out in a way.
Fritjof Capra. “From The Web of Life.” learning.splatter101.net. Web 26 Jan. 2012
Shaun Smith, 
Shannon Ratzel, and 
Selina Littlefield are discussing. 
Susan Bayaa, 
Selina Littlefield 11:43 pm on April 22, 2012 Permalink | Log in to Reply
I can totally relate to your paper to the fullest because my group also had trouble getting in contact with numerous of other organizations. I liked how you provided info about the company itself. You shared valuable info that I needed to know to get a better understanding of what the charity wad all about. “They also hired a teacher so that she can teach the children. The teacher taught twenty nine students and she was payed $67.50 a month. Which was forty cents a day, that was the car fee.” That is mind blowing to know that someone would actually work and spend their time doing something that does not benefit them much at all. Even though she got paid so little she was still willing to help out and we need more people on this shady earth like her. Good Samaritans will have good karma in their future because they are so generous. People these days do not care about anyone but their selves. There was some grammatical errors and run on sentences. “ As soon as I walked into that building I saw a big poster talking about how they are all about going green and some information about how they built that building. Some of the things they said were that the materials they used do not release any harmful pollutants into the air. So that I thought was something that not a lot of buildings do and they also reduce waste.” That is great that their building was built from recycled things and were economically made to help the plant. Knowing that the facility is around a bunch of forest area it seems very isolated. I liked the way you organized your paper. That made it flow quite well. You led up with the struggles you had to get to your goals and I am sure a lot of people could relate to you on that stand point. I was kind of confused as to why you had to cut down trees for an organization that necessarily does not specialize in that. “This really did sound interesting to me and I hope to go their soon and try to help out with anything I can. I really did enjoy visiting The Little Red School House and I enjoyed seeing the different types of animals it had and with that being said you can learn a lot from going their.” it seemed like you really enjoyed your experience and you would not mind visiting again. I liked how at the end you told us ways we can also get involve and help out with saving these animals. I believe your paper was well organized, but I did not get a well understanding of what you actually did to help out. It seemed like tour and just info on what you were going to get involved in. Overall, this was a nice paper, but I would of just like to know what was actually done to help out.
Shannon Ratzel 1:30 pm on April 23, 2012 Permalink | Log in to Reply
I adore The Little Red School House. I am excited for summer to come around so I can go again and see all the pretty things they have. I did not know they had volunteer options there so that was very interesting to me. I did not know that much about The Little Red School House except that they did a lot of things for nature. It is interesting that they were actually a school, go figure with the name. I did not know that that is not the original site of The Little Red School House. It is super cool that everything there is recycled, even the animals. I always thought zoos and different habitats were a good idea because if animals need help surviving, we are here to help.
I can relate to your troubles when you say that you had a hard time finding time where everyone could go together and work together on your service learning project. Our group had a hard time as well. We eventually figured it out and got our work done on time and it was pretty cool to work with them and not strangers.
It is interesting to read about how cutting down some trees is not necessarily a bad thing. It is sort of the same how we help out the animals if they need it, we help out nature as well. If certain things are taking over and killing other plants we should help out.
I like that you related it to a mini zoo. It gives people who have never seen The Little Red School House maybe an idea of what it looks like and what they do. I hope you have a good time when you go because I always do. My favorite thing there is the indoor beehive. I do not know if it is still there but it’s cool because you can see inside the beehive because it is made of glass and you can see where they come and go. I wonder if they still have the owl there.
I did not do this right either but our essay is supposed to be broken up with titles and headliners.
“The reason why the crow was not moved is because that crow is used to that house and it would not be comfortable in any other place so they needed to leave it their. Plus he told me that the rehab center told them to leave the crow in their. The rehab center was the one that gave them the crow. That crow also can’t be let go because the first thing it saw was humans so the guy that works their basically told me that it thinks it is human because that was the first thing it saw.” You use the wrong tense of “there” throughout this whole paragraph. “Their” should be “there.” Most of your essay has the wrong tense of there as well. Your writing is getting stronger and I learned a lot from your paper. Well done.
Shaun Smith 11:27 pm on April 24, 2012 Permalink | Log in to Reply
You worked for the same exact organization as i did so this should make writing some feedback a little bit easier. The Little Red School House was an amazing place, and i have been going their ever since i was a kid. So much has changed over the years, especially with the new building it seems as if it towers over the actual historic part of the place. Although i must admit that the new building with all the new animals is very interesting and can help to grab kids attention. Especially the younger ones because we all know that they don’t like to read, and that they would rather have soemthing they can see right in front of them. After reading your paper it seems your group as well as mine both did the same thing. Prairie restoration was fun, and the day we went on it was nice and cool outside so the work was not overbearing. The only part i didn’t like about it was playing in the multi floral rose. Those things cut my hands up so bad afterwards that it looked like i ran through a field of knives. Other then that we had our caretaker Jim teach us a lot about the past history of the place, and what it takes to keep up with it now. He was a very personable person and it made the experience just that much better when you can joke around and have a good time while doing volunteer work. The only thing is afterwards he thought he had to sign hour sheets for us because he mistook us for court kids. We laughed about it, but told him we were strictly here on a volunteer basis. Overall i enjoyed my time at the Little Red School House and it looks as if you did too. It seems frmo the other comments that even though we have grown up, that the place we have visited as kids will always stick with us.