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Amateur to Expert
• First and Final impression:
I thought back on my previous experience in service learning because many were social issues. I have volunteered to walk in the Breast Cancer walk in down town Chicago when I was a freshman in high school at the Chicago High School for Agriculture Sciences. This was a great event to attend because I felt I was showing all the people with Cancer in the world that I care and I believe I donated my legs for an eight hour walk to show how much I care. I went with a small group from our school and some of the students that attended were handicap and I assisted them greatly. I would push their wheelchairs around and help with any other assistance they needed. I really enjoyed helping in this event and wish to do it again soon. I have also volunteered at the Oak Lawn Community High School my junior year in a Baseball clinic for young baseball players. I helped show them how to hit a baseball the correct way and really enjoyed teaching them. Whenever I have a chance to show a young person how to place baseball I makes feel I am doing a good deed and it reminds me of my myself because I have been playing since I was four years old. Before we could even start there were many technical difficulties. Each and every one of our group members tried to contact the Animal Welfare League but never received a call back. This was a major downfall as a group because it delayed more of our time to being able to type this paper from an experience in the project view. The final portfolio was a great chance for me to show my overall experience in life on service learning. I felt great going about completing the Live, kill, die project, service/activists guide to an issue, Letter to the Editor, A Critical Reflection of Service, A Story of service, and Beginning and end we all were required to complete. I have read feedback on my writing from multiple people and asked the professor questions whenever I have some. I understand all the readings of the course and maintain the schedule well. I also connect the drafts to the major readings. If I don’t understand something I ask multiple people. I believe we will all learn well from these experiences and have enjoyed giving a helping hand to others through the peer reviews. When we all first met in class and got to know a little bit about each other through playing the yarn game, many of us said we love to help others. The story of service project has given me the opportunity to do so in such a way that we can be graded for it. This has been the most convenient way for everyone to be able to pass and I believe it will boost my grade drastically. Life has many challenges and we just have to make the best of it. I greatly enjoyed this experience and I will be more than happy to come back and help again. Everyone at the facility greeted me with a warm welcoming and they were very kind. The Critical Reflection of Service showed me the best way to show my experience at the Share Your Soles event I attended. This event was fun-filled and I really enjoyed writing about it. I was able to express all my thoughts and feelings about the social issue. This experience of performing a service for a greater good compliments with what we are learning in class because that is one of the main points of the class to be able to help others in need such as peer reviews and making notes on print outs of others peers assignments. Learning through experience has taught me more in the class because it helps understand how to deal with adversity when it arrives. The Letter to the Editor assignment made it possible for me to send a letter to an editor and be taken serious. I was not very sharp at writing letters to editors but after doing so for an assignment I have mastered it. When our loved ones are away at war we hope for their safe return and when we receive a call that they didn’t return we become very devastated. Having to live with the fact of loosing a loved one is very complicated because it is so hard to get off our minds. Those families should be honored to the up-most and have special privileges in the government such as being able to live comfortably for the rest of their generations on top of generations. Allowing them to live comfortably means allowing them to be government-expense free and not having to worry about any type of government finances. The Service Activist guide to an issue piece of work allowed me to express my thoughts on equal rights. I really appreciated having the chance to be open about my personal take on the equal rights issue. When I did this assignment I was able to collaborate with another classmate and really found it interesting because we didn’t have all the same takes on some of the equal rights issues. Life has its ups and its downs so we as humans have to make the right decisions so gay rights should be accepted everywhere because we shouldn’t be judged on our personal preferences, we can’t control who we like and it can produce self-hatred. When an individual realizes they are gay at a very young age they feel like they are trapped and can’t handle the pressure that society puts on them. They feel like they are abnormal and often an outcast. Society’s negative impact on them can cause them to want to give up on their own life and possibly consider suicide. No one should judge a book by its cover because it is so hard to determine the many downfalls in the book and the many ups that can shape, an individual, American’s decisions in considering the book to be a great, fair, or bad book. Everyone should accept and love the way they are no matter what the circumstances are and they need to know that they can’t help it. Gay rights should be accepted everywhere because we shouldn’t be judged on our personal preferences, we can’t control who we like and it can produce self-hatred. The Live, Kill, Die project gave me the opportunity to explain in detail what exactly I care about so much that I would lay my life on the line for. Laying my life on the line is not easy but having the chance to tell what reasons I would was a great experience. If a person thinks they have all the experience they need then they are truly mistaken. Many people will think they have reached that adulthood in life but really haven’t. Reaching that adult will be very difficult because as life goes on there is always opportunity to learn. The beginning and end paper has allowed me to reflect on the course as a whole and specifically the final portfolio. This assignment is great for the teacher to see how their students feel about the course. I try to ask questions that I believe the whole class would want to know. I always include a reading journal of at least two-hundred fifty words each week. Each written contribution to the side is of great quality and sufficient. The contributions are substantial and I try to reply on some Open conversations area. I have assisted others in numerous tasks. I have demonstrated great leadership while taking on this project. It is also good for us students to show how much we care and the Communications 102 course and its entirety. If I continue to do well on these assignments I will be able to achieve success in communications 102 and have the opportunity to take communication 103. Having to do all the assignments McGuire presented to us in a timely fashion was very difficult. I believe he is trying to help us be better students and not only that but better people to the world around us. When I took this class I did not plan on just trying to pass it, my goal was to learn something from completing the course by conducting in such community services. As of week 14 I believe I have learned many new ideas and became a more open and willing individual. The course has been tough but I believe since I keep trying my best and meeting the grading contract I will be able to learn the most out of the course. My loved ones are also very helpful with things in my life so they too care for me just as much as I do for them. Success will come through care and pride in whatever I endeavor because if I have enough care and pride in what I plan to do, the sky is the limit. Being able to expand my horizons and reach new heights is a great ability that should be prized by who ever may possess that trait. I am very grateful to have had a chance to be taught by Mr. McGuire and do believe he will continue to do well as a teacher and community outreach. I feel that I really brought out my inner activism because I have been learning about many different services since high school. Three things I have learned so far in the course are what is expected from the professor, the necessity to read every time assigned to read, and necessity to stay on top of all my work.
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Jonte Spane
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Jonte Spane
This week I decided to type my reading journal entry on how I feel about going about the current community service we all are required to perform. I believe we will all learn well from the experience and enjoy giving a helping hand to others. When we all first met in class and got to know a little bit about each other through playing the yarn game, many of us said we love to help others. The service/ learning project are giving us that opportunity to do so in such a way that we can be grading for it. This has been the most convenient way for everyone to be able to pass and I believe it will boost all of our grades drastically. If we all do well on this assignment we will be able to achieve success in communications 102 and have the opportunity to take communication 103. Having to do all the assignments McGuire presented to us in a timely fashion was very difficult. I believe he is trying to help us be better students and not only that but better people to the world around us. When I took this class I did not plan on just trying to pass it, my goal was to learn something from completing the course by conducting in such community services. As of week 14 I believe I have learned many new ideas and became a more open and willing individual. The course has been tough but I believe if I keep trying my best and meeting the grading contract I will be able to learn the most out of the course.
http://splatter.writing101.net/check-your-grade/ -
Jonte Spane
This week I decided to do my reading journal entry on my group’s charity event. I visited the Sertoma Centre right off 123rd & Pulaski of Alsip, IL along with Selina and Melissa. The word Sertoma came from the thought of giving service to man so the company feels they are providing great services to disabled individuals. The company’s main goal for the individuals here in Alsip is to help them find jobs and be successful adults. Once the individuals are employed the staff members of Sertoma are paid $30 an hour to go out and make sure the individuals are clocking in to work correctly and are being respectable. I really enjoyed the experience because I was able to observe the setting of the company. I had a chance to interview one of the mentally challenged individuals named Thomas. He is 36 years old male that once had a job at Hollywood Video for 22 years but lost it because the company went out of business. He is running out of time to find a job because he has been at Sertoma for a year now and the company only allows for the disabled individuals to be apart of the program for 18 months. Once the individuals 18 months are up and they haven’t found a job they are forced to leave Sertoma and are on their own. The programs the Sertoma Centre provides are very beneficial for those with disablities to help the progress as citizens of the world.
http://sertomacentre.org/?page_id=391 -
Jonte Spane
Service Learning
We went about as a team attacking the goals of the project which were to find a service learning event that involves a social issue. I thought back on my previous experience in service learning because many were social issues. I have volunteered to walk in the Breast Cancer walk in down town Chicago when I was a freshman in high school at the Chicago High School for Agriculture Sciences. This was a great event to attend because I felt I was showing all the people with Cancer in the world that I care and I believe I donated my legs for an eight hour walk to show how much I care. I went with a small group from our school and some of the students that attended were handicap and I assisted them greatly. I would push their wheelchairs around and help with any other assistance they needed. I really enjoyed helping in this event and wish to do it again soon. I have also volunteered at the Oak Lawn Community High School my junior year in a Baseball clinic for young baseball players. I helped show them how to hit a baseball the correct way and really enjoyed teaching them. Whenever I have a chance to show a young person how to place baseball I makes feel I am doing a good deed and it reminds me of my myself because I have been playing since I was four years old. We first thought to do our service learning project on the Animal Welfare League. The League is located in Chicago Ridge, IL and is greatly populated with many household pets. There they offer great opportunity for our service learning. I once had an opportunity to serve some community service hours for high school requirements and really enjoyed it. I was able to see many different dogs, cats, and many other household pets. I saw many people donate their pets and some people purchasing pets. It was a good place to serve my volunteering because I felt I was helping every pet that may not have a home find a home. Although there was one dislike I would like to inform anyone that might think about paying a visit to the location but the smell of the facility was so humane that anyone with a weak stomach will need to wear a mask. Before we could even start there were many technical difficulties. Each and every one of our group members tried to contact the Animal Welfare League but never received a call back. This was a major downfall as a group because it delayed more of our time to being able to type this paper from an experience in the project view. We also had another service learning idea involving nursing homes that we decided to give a try. It was the Oak Lawn Manor Care Heath Services Medical & Physical Therapy Nursing Home that we were going to volunteer our services and learn more about the company and their main goal. I personally went to the Oak Lawn Manor Care Nursing Home and got applications for the whole team and before we could fill them out we found out Mr. McGuire did not allow out group to do this service learning event because he felt it was not a social issue. He felt the same for the Animal Welfare League so we had to find another service learning opportunity. That service learning opportunity we found was the Sertoma Centre of Alsip, IL. This center provided help with handicap and mentally ill human beings. The mission at Sertoma Centre is to provide opportunities that empower individuals with disabilities to achieve personal success. Being able to provide an individual with disabilities to achieve personal success makes equality show its true colors. There are many people in the world that have disabilities and have a hard time trying to keep up with a fully healthy individual. We human beings that are blessed by the grace of God to be able to maintain normality should be able to help another human being in need. Helping others in need is being a good citizen and individual. It is the right way to live life because it will bring enjoyment instead of pain in life. Being of assistance to others especially those with mental or physical disabilities is a good social issue to shine the light on. My group and I decided to do the Sertoma Centre because each amd every day at Sertoma there mission is accomplished by those with developmental, physical, emotional disabilities and /or mental illness. Some of this success is major for when these individuals are starting a job in the community or moving into their own apartment. This is very difficult for them to do on their own because they are handicap. Giving them assistance in those areas will do them good deed in the future because they will not have to rely on anyone and they will be able to perform every day tasks themselves. Being able to perform every day tasks will be very difficult but the people at the Sertoma Centre are willing to get the handicapped individuals to where they need to be to be a success human being. Just because an individual does not seem normal to the world does not mean that individual should not have the chance to live their mature life. Maturity goes a long way and when there are people like the Sertoma Centre that are giving a lending hand it makes that goal possible to those individuals with disabilities. Having a disability does not mean that individual should be excluded from the rest of the world. They are too human beings and deserve the right to live in our world. Helping them live comfortably is the main goal and by that I mean knowing how to do the things we with less disabilities do will help those with more disabilities progress in life. Progressing in life is key for everyone and should not be neglected for handicapped individuals. Thos individuals with disabilities deserve the right to live an equally proportioned life. Other disabilities may seem minor to others, but to an individual with major disabilities it can be very difficult when getting dressed by oneself. Learning how to make change at a vending machine, or mastering a new task in the workshop is a meaningful personal success that everyone should be able to achieve. For an individual with disabilities, each one of these victories represents another step in their own personal path toward greater independence and participation in their community. Sertoma Centre, Inc. has built its reputation on the many personal victories of the people they serve. The Sertoma Centre is a non-profit agency based upon its reputation and achievements. Individuals residing in parts of Chicago and its south and southwest suburban region receive the services provided by the Centre. The Centre is always accepting a lending hand to better the incorporation. They wish to invite any and every person possible to join them in their mission to provide opportunities that empower individuals with disabilities to achieve personal success. They are the founders and members of Community Service Partners. This service provides help all through out the community for disabled and mentally challenged individuals. The Sertoma Centre also has many different clubs such action, American heritage, Burbank sertoma club, decatur breakfast sertoma club, middleton sertoma club, Milwaukee sertoma club, madison sertoma club, sea sertoma club, Taylorville sertoma club, springfield sertoma club, POW-R sertoma club, and many more. I am really excited to see what the outcome of this service learning project will be. i enjoy helping others succeed in life. Just to know that I will have an impact on someone with special needs is great feeling. I am actually take time out of my busy day, to benefit someone else. Doing these charity’s is a great way to escape from our everyday life. Life starts to feel like a routine if you do the same thing over and over every single day. Doing these things really make you think about other people. I believe this experience will be fun. It will be something that I will never forget. I would say this is going to be a high light of my college career because no other teacher really has gotten me to get involved like this before. So it very different, in a good way. Sure I have many other classes I have to worry about, on top of working Monday thru Friday, family, and friends. It is a lot to keep up with but you only live once. So why not reach out to people in your community and give back. Life has many challenges and you just have to make the best of it. If I enjoy this experience I will more than happy come back and help again. I know that everyone at the facility will be greeted with a warm welcoming and they will be very kind.
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Jonte Spane
This week I chose to type my reading journal entry about the KONY 2012 video which most of us attended last Thursday. When I first heard of this KONY 2012 I didn’t really understand why they name and year was on a poster but once I found out the meaning of the movement I understood greatly the goals they set. Although as I was watching it, I realized that the video is making the viewer’s understand more of how they want us to pitch and support the cause. I found out Joseph Kony was the name on the poster and 2012 is the target year to terminate his plans. I also found out who Joseph Kony is, leader of the resistance, and discovered that he has kidnapped children and tried to make them a part of his army, kill them, make them sex slaves, and many other gruesome things. I too found out it was occurring in the nation of Uganda. I think the KONY2012 video answered many questions regarding the organization that started the movement. The video also explained how they are going to capture KONY and end all of his criminal acts on families of Uganda. There were cards that many people hang on trees to show ways to escape KONY. I did question some things about the organization that is running the campaign against Kony but not because I don’t believe in what they can do, but because I have never heard of a cause like this that they fight for. All my questions were eventually answered while watching the video and listening to the host. I found it very interesting that there was a Ugandan woman who gave feedback on her first-hand experiences and I started to want to give even more of a contribution because I felt that she is only one of the very many people that are going through the same situation but didn’t escape. I believe the movement will fulfill its goal and rid not only the Ugandan people of Kony but the world.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc -
Jonte Spane
This week I decided to do my next journal entry on my teachers, Michael Mcguires, writing in our text book entitled “Why White Rice?”. The story is called, “Googling is not the Same as Thinking.”. I really enjoyed this reading because it is true that most people use Google to find out most of the answers that they need. It is simple just to type in a question that we need to be answered on the spot. At the click of a button you get everything you are looking for and more. Even though most of the things that are put on the internet is not true. Google is the most well known search engine in the world. It is a very convenient tool to have when you need research on something. I know that it is better to think about things rather than just cheat, or shall I say, find a shortcut to get to the answer. Technology is so advanced these days, sometimes I can not even keep up. Using Google to find out what you need is very quick and easy. That is why it is the first thing people to turn to when they need answers. You can literally type anything that you want into Google and it will pop up instantly. I believe having these search engines have its ups and downs. It really does make us lazy because we are not doing things on our own. I really liked this article and I think Mr. McGuire made a great point.
McGuire, Michael. Why White Rice? “Googling is not the Same as Thinking.” Kendall Hunt. 119-120. Print. -
Jonte Spane
I have chosen to do this week’s journal entry on the Trayvon Martin crisis. Trayvon Martin is a young teen who was shot dead on February 26, 2012 by George Zimmerman. Zimmerman called police saying Martin looked suspicious and the dispatcher then told him not to follow the teen. According to what Zimmerman told local officers, he lost sight of the teen and was returning to his SUV when Martin approached him and they exchanged words. He said Martin asked if he had a problem, Zimmerman replied no and reached for his cell phone. He then alleges that Martin said “well you do now” and punched him in the nose. Zimmerman said he then fell to the ground and Martin got on top of him and began slamming his head into the sidewalk. Zimmerman said he began yelling for help. According to authorities, Zimmerman then shot Martin at close range. When the local police arrived at the scene, they found Zimmerman with a bloody nose, swollen lip and lacerations in the back of his head. Although paramedics gave him first aid, he said he did not need to go to the hospital and sought medical treatment the next day. He was not arrested or charged for the crime because he had pleaded an alleged self-defense case. I too have a friend named Trayvon that goes through some of the same obstacles Trayvon Martin had to dodge living in their own community. The thought of an adult shooting a child is horrific and to find out there was a difference in race will call for a Civil Rights movement. This type of behavior by an adult has to have a very sound reason because there are many ways for a person to defend them self and if it calls for death of a teen then this case should truly reach the supreme court decision.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/26/trayvon-martin-case-georg_n_1381322.html-
Prof McGuire
This citation needs work. A URL alone is not a proper citation.
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Jonte Spane
This week I chose to do my journal entry on the share your soles service learning event. I chose to do my journal entry on this because I felt it was a great service event to reflect on. Being able to give to the less fortunate is a blessing that not everyone possesses. If a person does possess this characteristic they should uphold it to the best of their ability. The service event was very intriguing because I was able to help contribute in something that can change the lives of the less fortunate. I enjoyed being able to give a lending hand and I have done this so many times before because I believe in giving my last just to see someone that was once less fortunate prosper in life. If anyone wants to donate any shoes to the share your sole incorporation they can easily drop them off at the warehouse. This organization is doing very positive work and helping better the world we all live in today. Many people do not realized how blessed they truly are until they see a crisis first-hand. Seeing a crisis first-hand cause Mona, the owner of share your soles, to start the organization and promote the cause. She could not bear the thought of children having to put asphalt on the bottom of their feet’s instead of wearing proper foot protection. This type of crisis should make any person in our world want to do something about it to make a difference in our life and make it count positively.
Share Your Soles. Green Apple Sales, Inc., 2010. Web. 7 Mar. 2012-
Prof McGuire
What source are you actually using here? Any? Your citation is confusing with the reference to Green Apple. It needs work.
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Jonte Spane
A Critical Reflection of Service
Being in the state of mind of being wealthy is the only way to achieve being truly wealthy. Once a person is in that mindset they can start becoming free of financial stress. At any moment, the decision one makes can change the course of their life forever. A person should always have a back up plan, this meaning in the financial area mainly and in the idea making field. If one thing doesn’t work the way a person wants it too then they have to use their back up plan to pursue it. If a money crisis pops up then that person has to have some money saved up to get of that out crisis. No matter what the circumstances we humans should always have a backup plan because nothing always works the way a person wants it too. The best words to use for the description of this topic are “give and receive”. This is because there are too many less fortunate people in the world that are in great need of some type of assistance. The best way to try and give a lending hand is to participate in a community service event and support a cause. Being able to have a class that does participate in these types of activities was nothing more than I could ever ask for. There were many choices of community service events to attend throughout this semester but I chose to write about the Share Your Soles event that I took part in. Finding out that there are actually people out there in this world that are unable to wear shoes for whatever reason makes any caring person want to at least try and do something to prevent that type of epidemic. This epidemic is not healthy for those that do walk around on earth without the proper protection for their feet. Many people have either lost their foot or died due to lack of proper foot protection. We that are fortunate enough to be able to wear shoes to protect our feet from all the possible factors of sickness there is in our world. People in this world that are able to protect their feet from all the sicknesses in our world should not take the ability to afford a pair of shoes for granted. They should feel more appreciative of their shoes and want to give any extra pairs that are not needed to survive because we all know we would want someone to do the same for us if we were less fortunate to have a pair of shoes. I value this type of characteristic, as a person of care for sole joy in everyone, because I believe in equality and will try my best to contribute to this very serious cause. Being able to contribute to a very serious cause by performing a service is a great feeling because I know I am making a difference in the world. Making a positive difference in the world is not hard but it’s all about the thought that really counts. I have learned to look at every situation of less fortune as if it were me in that crisis and think if I would want someone to perform the same services as we volunteers do. Once I had the opportunity to perform a service to my community was first in my freshman year in high school for a breast cancer walk downtown and since then I have appreciated and understand why people do provide services for the less fortunate. My effort to strive for equality and try to look out for others maps what type of person I have always been and will continue to be. It is my way of life to try and be a shoulder for any one to lean on because I truly understand what it feels like to be around people that are not considerate of others. It is a plum disgrace the way some people acknowledge others and tear them down from the way they act to the soles on their feet. It is not easy for a person to give up something they spent their hard earned money on. When that person finds out there are millions of people in the world without the option to pick a pair of shoes out to wear each and every day I wonder how they will react. Since volunteering my first time I have been motivated to continue showing my care in the life of us human beings. Being motivated for a great cause such as the share your soles event will pay off in the end because that person who is motivated to bless someone will be blessed. If one has the desire to give they are a very considerate individual. I believe there is no way for a person to really say they have given enough. If someone says that they have given enough they would not be wanting whoever they believe makes it possible for them to wake up every morning telling them that they have been given enough blessings. Always go the extra mile for the less fortunate because we humans will never know if we may become one of types of people. I believe that everyone should do to the next person what they expect the next person to do for them. Being a greedy individual and not wanting to share your blessings will only get that individual in a world of hatred if they ever become less fortunate. We can never really care enough because who knows how exactly to figure out how far enough caring really measures up to. No matter how much a person can give to a crisis, their contribution will never reach each and every single individual in the world that is less fortunate. If I was in charge of a situation like that I would try my best to make the service learning company reach as far internationally and nationally as possible for our companies’ spending ability. I would try and get as many sponsors just as the owner named Mona has done and continues to do day in and day out for the share your soles incorporation. I have learned that the share your soles team has solved many less fortunate people harsh problems by contributing to their cause and getting a great number of others to do the same. The team has reached new heights in providing this great service for the world and will prosper if they continue to perform their thoughtful duties. Great amounts of pure happiness should feel an individuals heart that can love and care for a cause so much that they would give their last dollar to make sure if make a very positive difference to the less fortunate in the world. The things that influence people around the world to have been bare foot are things such as tornados, tsunamis, earthquakes, etc. These natural disasters are so unpredictable that the share your soles could be called any second and it is great that they come around when they are needed. The main thing that really needs to be done is that we all should find a way to let all those that have never even heard of organizations such as the share your soles team know about them and their purpose in our world today. This experience of performing a service for a greater good compliments with what we are learning in class because that is one of the main points of the class to be able to help others in need such as peer reviews and making notes on print outs of others peers assignments. Learning through experience has taught me more in the class because it helps understand how to deal with adversity when it arrives.
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Corey Thiesse
Jonte
To start off i really liked how you started your essay. You did not jump into the share your soles event and you did not say “I am writing about…”. That was the very first thing that stuck out to me. Also it was not just for a couple sentences it was a good, solid paragraph. One negative thing i noticed right away though is that your whole essay is one paragraph. Split it up and organize it. Make some different ideas for each paragraph. You could have started your second paragraph when you were finished with your intro and started to discuss the share your soles event. I also like how you summed up the event in two words. Give an Recieve. This is a very general statement, but it is also very true to what this activity was all about. You give your shoes and you receive pleasure from helping the poverty stricken kids in the third world countries and the ones in poor neighborhoods in the United States. I agree with your statement when you say that “people who can afford shoes should not take it for granted”. This is very true because they will never know how it feels until they put themselves in a poor person’s position. Just imagine what we could do for the poor people around the world if a few rich people donate some money. It is sad to see though that many people do indeed take their ability to afford shoes for granted. “Being motivated for a great cause such as the share your soles event will pay off in the end because that person who is motivated to bless someone will be blessed. If one has the desire to give they are a very considerate individual”. This sentence was a little iffy for me, along with some other ones. Check over your grammar and punctuation. You could maybe break this down a little bit and put it into a couple sentences or make it a little easier to read by using better words to describe your point. After reading the whole paper I just now noticed that there was not too much reference to the Share Your Soles service learning event at all. I understand the sheet said not to list out in chronological order of what happened there, but you should give a little insight as to what you did. You should do this so that the audience who has not been to share your soles knows what to expect and how it will be. I understand that you wanted to let the audience know how you feel, but i think you talked a little to much about that. You should divide it up a little more and find a good balance between letting the audience know how you feel and actually being able to tell them a little of what happened at the event. Overall, it is a good piece of writing that just needs a few tweaks. Keep up the good work!
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Katie Didier
I like the idea of your intro however, the wording was a little confusing and I had to read it a few times to make sure I understood your point. However, I really like how you opened up with a broad overview or generalization of the issue then narrowed in on the specifics later on. I feel like it added a certain depth to your reflection and it looks like you put a lot of effort into it.
There were a few minor grammatical errors and spelling errors but nothing too drastic. I think you just need to reread your piece another time, maybe out loud to really hear how it sounds and catch the minor errors. However, overall it flows and makes sense and the errors are not that distracting.
One sentence that confused me a little was “Being able to participate in a class that does participate in these types of activities was nothing more than I could ever ask for.” By saying “nothing more than I could ask for” I think you are giving off the opposite impression that you are aiming for. I think that the saying is “more than I could ask for”. Unless you are trying to say that your service experience is unsatisfactory. That, at least to me, is how it is coming across.
I loved your overview of service and volunteering. I feel like it was an actual reflection on yourself in regards to service. However, I think your paper would be helped if you just added a little bit of details regarding the actual event. You put so much time and effort into the reflection but I don’t know anything about what you are reflecting on. I feel like I would get a better understanding on your reflection and a better understanding of why you feel the way you do about the event if you would just add a few details as to what you actually did at the event.
I also think that you should add more about The Share your Soles organization. You did mention the details about the kids without shoes. I think that Mona is such a huge aspect of Share Your Soles that she needs to be mentioned. However, I do not know if you met her. I volunteered with Share Your Soles on the Saturday and I know that the kids who volunteered then all got to meet her. To me, she was an inspiration and really motivated me and made me want to make a difference. Maybe if you met her you could talk about what she was like and how she impacted you. If you did not meet her maybe you could talk about the movies you watched and the events you did at the organization. Another idea is that you could talk about how the organization is set up. Did you like it or didn’t you? Do you like that the volunteers do so much of the work or did you think it was unorganized?
I think your paper was a great reflection. : )
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Justyna Matyjaszczyk
I would like to begin with your introduction to the essay. It is a unique approach because you did not immediately jump into the service and the history or works of it. The introduction allowed me put myself in a situation we really don’t think about because we are more privileged than others in some countries or even communities here in the States. I agree some people do take advantage of what we have, like sneakers on our feet. I can say I am guilty of taking advantage of our sources by purchasing shoes just because I think they are cute or match my outfit. But I do donate gently worn shoes and at least once a year to the Salvation Army or those red boxes conveniently located in our neighborhoods, I also have family in Poland who do not have the luxury of purchasing clothes and shoes just because they think they are hot. They buy items that they need rather than constantly splurge like most of us do. Moving forward with this essay, I felt the emotion and care in the writing. You gave your honest and thoughtful opinion and feelings towards helping others. It is very inspiring and motivating. You enjoy helping and caring for others who are less privileged or who need help. I also got a sense of just because we work hard for our money and we might not have the richest life we can still help by volunteering our time and donating clothes, shoes or other gently used things we do not use anymore. I myself was not born in America and came from a place where people lived great lives with their friends and family but did not always have the money to purchase things they’d like to have or fix their homes. People saved their money and worked hard to put food on the table, clothes on their backs and shoes on their feet. They never turned away a box of useful items, even though some things they had no use they thought of their neighbor or friend or family that can make use of things. People took care of each other and helped one another and it made all the difference in their lives. Although life is tough to some financially, I agree with you a million times, when you say do unto others as you would want done unto you. I think that is very simple to understand and it would make a big difference with how people treat each other. We have to remember everyone struggles in life one way or another and eventually we are going to need help, so help how ever you can, even if its your time and free physical labor. It is refreshing to have read your essay because you have a wonderful outlook on helping others less fortunate. You wrote in the essay you have a great appreciation and positive attitude towards helping other and equality. That statement made your essay really shine. Overall, you were honest and passionate about your reflection and feelings towards the services you provided while volunteering because you have some sort of personal understanding of how things can go bad and support and help can make a difference. Very cool and I really like your reflection.
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Jonte Spane
Troy Swanson, “Why White Rice? thinking through writting” Chapter 7 “Mash it up…gracefully using sources”pgs163-174. Kendall Hunt. Print
This week I decided to do my reading journal entry on “Mash it up…gracefully using sources” by author Troy Swanson in our reading textbook, “Why White Rice”. Plagiarism is a huge topic within the academic world because lots of people look at it as a scapegoat for most assignments. Plagiarizing is the most uneducated choice anyone could ever make. The thought of using someone else’s ideas without citing them is awful. How would you feel if a person knew you had a specific writing on a certain topic and that person stole your words with out citing your name? This is the same thing as a person loosing their identity. Most people are devastated once finding out someone basically tried to pretend to be them. Plagiarism is basically the same concept. You are taking someone else’s thoughts and ideas without giving them the proper credit. We have been taught since we were small children never to cheat or steal, and not sourcing where you got your info from is doing just that. I have heard about it from a lot of my peers for getting caught for that. The consequences for getting caught are defiantly not worth it in the end. I know you would not like your hard earned thoughts just taking it away just by doing nothing. You put forth the effort and that other person did not. -
Jonte Spane
Family mourns Beverly Marine killed serving in Afghanistan
By Casey Toner and Susan DeMar Lafferty ctoner@southtownstar.com, slafferty@southtownstar.com
March 3, 2012 10:48PMDear Editor,
Loosing a loved one is not easy but when it is a loved one that was in the military or known for giving their life for their country it can be hard to deal with. In this particular story Grace Lavin came home from school one day and discovered a group of soldiers mourning around her mother in awe of her brother, Colonel Conner Lowry, death.
When our loved ones are away at war we hope for their safe return and when we receive a call that they didn’t return we become very devastated. Having to live with the fact of loosing a loved one is very complicated because it is so hard to get off our minds. If you are reading this letter then you should understand that something has got to be done for the bereavement of those that loose loved ones to military-based assignments. Something such as having a, very frequent, bereavement ceremony for their loved soldiers and a better death fund for the families of the x-soldiers. Those families should be honored to the up-most and have special privileges in the government such as being able to live comfortably for the rest of their generations on top of generations. Allowing them to live comfortably means allowing them to be government-expense free and not having to worry about any type of government finances.Sincerely,
J.Spane
Email contact: spanej3@student.morainevalley.edu-
Katie Didier
Peer Review
To start off, I think that you choose a fantastic topic to write about for the letter to the editor assignment. This topic is a very popular one with so many people because so many people have friends and loved ones serving our country. While the topic may be popular your letter does not seem like it is “beating a dead horse” this topic will never lose its importance. In addition, I feel that since it is such an important topic then that will make it that much more likely to publish. The editor is probably aware that many people can connect to this issue and therefore may publish it versus another letter to the editor.
The way that you started off your letter was very intriguing with the personal story of a soldier. From class I know that if the story is a little more local and a little more personal than it is more likely to get published. However, the wording in the second sentence is a little confusing. I had to read it a few times to get the message across. However, I feel that with a few commas or colons the sentence could make perfect sense. If you choose to reword however, I think that you should mention the death a little earlier in the sentence because the way it is worded now makes me wonder who died.
I also think that if you are going to use a local story to start off your letter to the editor then you should use more than one sentence about it in your paper. When you say that one person is in awe of her brothers death it opens up so many questions and none of them are answered. Perhaps you can say “there are many families that are struggling with the death of a loved one like ….”
Also I feel like the beginning of the second paragraph could be reworded as well… you say “When our loved ones are away at war we hope for their safe return and WHEN we receive a call that they didn’t return we are devastated”. I feel that most families don’t ever receive that phone call that their loved ones will not return home. However, in this sentence you make it seem like it is inevitable.
While I think you choose a great topic I think that you should have a call to action at the end of your letter. The whole point of this assignment is to get people thinking about what is going on in the world and try to get them to help you with your cause. While it is great if you get a piece published informing people about your issue I think that it would be an even greater milestone if you could work in a call to action and motivate a few people to actually work and do something to help your cause.
There are a few minor corrections that I would make in regards to grammar and punctuation as well., but overall good letter. :)-
Corey Thiesse
The first thing that popped in to my head was your topic that you chose to write about, which I think is a good one. This letter is a little weak in my opinion because it is not organized very well and does not provide the reader with enough details and facts to want to do something. I do not like how you implemented the story of Conner Lowry right away. I think you could have waited to use that for a little later in the letter. First I think you should have gave some background information as to what your topic is exactly instead of jumping right into the emotional part of the letter. By doing that I think you weakened the ability of the reader to emotionally relate to your writing. Also if it was worded a little bit better you could hook the reader in more. I wanted to point out that you had some grammatical errors in the end of the first paragraph when you used the word “death.” at the end of the sentence. I also think it should be one full paragraph considering how short this letter was meant to be. I feel that the beginning of the first paragraph and the beginning of the second paragraph are a little redundant and repetitive. You kind of say the same thing that loosing a loved on is hard and complicated, and things along those lines. Another thing that stood out to me was the odd use of the word bereavement. I personally have not heard the word, but it does sound like a good one. I just feel that it does not fit the letter. It is the only complicated words used and it is used twice within two sentences. I just think a more simple and short word would flow better with the paper. I think that you could have had a call to action for the end of the letter or ended it a little more strongly. You kind of ended it on a neutral note. Make it a little more intense and emotionally touching and you will be able to grab the reader’s attention. In this case it would be the editor! I feel you could put more emphasis in your writing and make it a little more interesting to read. It feels a little dull and needs some spicing up. Also you could elaborate on how the fallen soldier’s families should be compensated for government taxes and that sort of thing. I think you have good ideas, but they just need to be organized and developed a little better. I think this will make your letter much more effective when the editor is reading it. I think if you just take a little more time to work on this it will be a much better letter. Overall, you have a good topic to work with, but i feel that you rushed this one. So take your time and i am sure you will do just fine.
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Jonte Spane
I decided to do my next journal entry for this week on “So-Is It Okay To Use Wikipedia, then?” by an author named Eric DeVillez which is in chapter 6 of our book, “Why White Rice?”. I found this to be very interesting because I too use to use Wikipedia. I remember once a girl in my class had to do a presentation and most of her information was wrong because she used Wikipedia. From then on out I started being careful with what information I get from that search engine. A lot of the information is incorrect and you cannot just base your whole assignment off that. You have to research and make sure that the information is correct. Wikipedia is excellent to use when you are simply trying to get quick, easy, and small information. If you do decide to use Wikipedia for an assignment make sure you look at the resources that are given at the bottom of the page because all it is important information they got from other websites. I really liked his writing style. He made the story relatable and easy to understand. I really liked the story because me being a student I need to be informed about these sorts of things. He explained how he was with his family and they were trying to recall a certain actors name and nobody could think of it. Eric simply looked on Wikipedia and found his answer. Bottom line is use Wikipedia with caution because it could bite you in the end. Search there at your own risk!
DeVillez, Eric. “So-Is It Okay to Use Wikipedia, Then?” Why White Rice? 121-22. Print. -
Jonte Spane
Equality Rights Outline
Pro- Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay, and Transgender
- these types of people should have the same rights as heterosexuals
- negative judgment should not be passed on them
- they are humans too
Anti- Lesbian, Gay, and Transgender
- these types of people are going against God’s will
- judge them for the way they chose to be
- they shouldn’t be allowed to wed
National Center for Lesbian Rights
- 870 Market Street Suite 370 94102 San Francisco, CA
- wants to fight for justice and justice to them is equality
- advocates for equal public policies affecting the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and
- Transgender community, also known as LGBT
High school students talking about each other negatively
- very Childish, immature, not bettering them
- Need to be mature about any and every topic, thought, or idea
- taking the childish way out will do nothing but bring negative outcomes
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Jonte Spane
Equality Rights Outline
- Pro- Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay, and Transgender
-these types of people should have the same rights as heterosexuals
-negative judgment should not be passed on them
-they are humans too
- Anti- Lesbian, Gay, and Transgender
-these types of people are going against God’s will
-judge them for the way they chose to be
-they shouldn’t be allowed to wed
- National Center for Lesbian Rights
- 870 Market Street Suite 370 94102 San Francisco, CA
- wants to fight for justice and justice to them is equality
- advocates for equal public policies affecting the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender community, also known as LGBT
- High school students talking about each other negatively
- very Childish, immature, not bettering them
- Need to be mature about any and every topic, thought, or idea
- taking the childish way out will do nothing but bring negative outcomes
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Jonte Spane
For my reading/research journal of this week I decided it was best for me to give feedback on the writing “Write that down” by Tom Dow. Tom Dow considered himself as a genius in math as a young boy. As he progressed in life he eventually became a teacher. Mr. Dow chose to write the story in reaction to his friends interesting question, “Would you let Mike Tyson punch you in the face for a million bucks?” This question was very intriguing because he can be answered in many different interpretations. Mr. Dow and his friend, Eric, were the backbone to the thought of this question. Mike Tyson is known for hitting extremely hard and could possibly even cause internal bleeding to their brains or even worse. Eric and Tom added up the length in time of the million dollars to see how receiving it would allow them to live a good life after taking the punch. Tom didn’t know what to do once this offer was posed to him by his friends. This was a very great story to let the readers know about how much most people analyze their ideas. Human beings are entitled to practicing freedom of speech and concise about their very great ideas. A person who is being of great enlightenment to anyone trying to listen to another person expressing their ideas will better their abilities to enlighten others. Most people don’t understand everything a person is saying to them so when those words are analyzed greatly before a response is given that person is giving great respect. Don’t judge a book by its cover.
— Dow, Thomas. “Write That Down.” Why White Rice? Thinking Through Writing. Kendall Hunt Pub, 2010. 97-98. Print. -
Jonte Spane
Equal Rights
A wise man once said, “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.” Some of the wise men that used such words are Benjamin Franklin, William Shakespeare, and many other authors and wise men out in this world. These two authors particularly write their works based off of that belief and many people live there life in that such way. We have heard this famous quote over a million times. This saying can also stand for what we find attractive when it comes to gender, race, height, eye or hair color, etc. The way America looks at homosexuality is very unacceptable. Everyone is a human being and they deserve the right to be interested in or marry whomever they want, male or female regardless of their sex. This issue has caused many problems throughout many years and decades of our history. When an individual realizes they are gay at a very young age they feel like they are trapped and can’t handle the pressure that society puts on them. They feel like they are abnormal and often an outcast. Society’s negative impact on them can cause them to want to give up on their own life and possibly consider suicide. No one should judge a book by its cover because it is so hard to determine the many downfalls in the book and the many ups that can shape, an individual, American’s decisions in considering the book to be a great, fair, or bad book. Everyone should accept and love the way they are no matter what the circumstances are and they need to know that they can’t help it. Gay rights should be accepted everywhere because we shouldn’t be judged on our personal preferences, we can’t control who we like and it can produce self-hatred.
Good Lord Boyet, my beauty, though but mean, needs not the painted flourish of your praise: Beauty is bought by judgment of the eye, not uttered by base sale of chapmen’s tongues (Shakespeare). Shakespeare has so many different ways he shows that not a soul on this earth should judge a book by its cover. When this is done so it is called stereotyping and not many people agree to be acceptable in all ways to someone that stereotypes. Everyone has freedom of choice and with that ability we all are classified as individuals. That being said, it is none of anyone’s business what goes on in others’ lives. Therefore, no one should be judged on their personal preferences. We shouldn’t be scared and living in denial for the rest of our lives just because others feel that this lifestyle is wrong. I can’t see how anyone could live their entire life happily feeling like there is no way out just because of what others have to say about them. It is your life so you should be able to live it to the fullest. Not being able to feel like you can be yourself and living your life as a lie is not right. I feel bad for anyone that thinks they can’t be free to be who they are just because of what others think. Just like we have the right to vote and speak our minds, we should be able to marry whomever we want. Having individual minds of our mind should allow everyone to block out any peer pressure situations and that alone defines the maturity level of a person. Being mature calls for lots of options to resolving many different situations that are hard to determine but once an individual reaches that point in their life they should be able to do so. Doing so not only allows whatever the situation might be to be resolving the situation to the best of its ability but allows for the scene of the situation to be safe and clear of any immaturity.
Since we can’t control who we like, that may cause many problems with our self, family, friends and society. In November of 2010, California voters approved Proposition 8, which is a constitutional amendment outlawing same-sex marriage, thus overturning the state Supreme Court decision that gave gay couples the right to get married (California’s Proposition 8 Same-Sex Marriage). When San Francisco legalized gay marriage, 4,037 marriage licenses were issued and 3,995 gay couples were married in the great number of months before the state stepped in and voided the marriages. 57 % of the couples were lesbian was found from reading the names on this list. More precise information also showed most of the couples were number in aged as well kept adults and better educated than average newlywed couples, with more than 74% over 35 years old and 69 % holding a college degree (Gay Marriage Facts & Statistics Tips). While 19 states and the District of Columbia have laws bar discrimination against sexual orientation, and many cities offer comparable protections, federal law didn’t offer protection until November of 2007, though it did take away discrimination based on race, religion, ethnicity, sex, age, disability and pregnancy. The bill called the Employment Nondiscrimination Act is the latest version of legislation that Democrats have pursued since 1974. To ensure passage of the bill, Democrats were forced to remove language that would have granted protections to transsexual and transgender individuals by excluding discrimination based on sexual identity, which enraged many gay-rights groups (Gay Marriage Wave Shows Major Shift). In the 2000 census it was found that there were 601,209 committed gay couples in America, the marriage rate dropped from 232,900 in 2000 to 217,800 in 2004 (Gay Marriage Facts & Statistics Tips).
In the United States, more than half of students have no type of state laws to protect them from harassment and discrimination because of their sexual orientation while in school. In public high schools, majority of students say that they hear homophobic remarks from their peers regularly. This is a grave issue to stress because students today are the future of our world. If this occurrence is not taken into more consideration the world we know now will be much more negative. Having a negative attitude about something disliked is practiced by most high school. Some teenagers just don’t know how to hold their tongue and look at the positives and not point out the negatives. Many high school students seem to have fun talking about others and don’t see any negativity in doing so. A teen who acts this way is very immature and should have better home training from their parents. Some teens do it in a form of joking around with friends, family, and loved ones so this way is not always negative. When a teen decides to talk about a person, topic, issue, or idea they dislike they refer to derogatory terms and don’t have respect and maturity in making those types of decisions. These types of actions are looked as very childish and out of the ordinary. No one wants to be around an individual that talks about them negatively so bad that they feel bad inside. Lots of teens don’t like to express themselves when this type of behavior is going on to prevent a fight being progressed through the opposing teen who decides to be negative. While others go back and forth with information that can escalade to worst outcomes than just keeping quiet and ignoring the negativity. There are some teenagers who are able to deal with negative situations such as these and don’t suffer a negative outcome but may change the negative person’s chain of thoughts to be negative towards a person. Regardless of the situation each and every person in this world should be mature about any and every topic, thought, idea regarding any negativity and not take the childish way out, because taking the childish way out will do nothing but bring negative outcomes.
There is an organization out there that does benefit same sex individuals greatly and it is the national center for lesbian rights (Charity Navigator). The National Center for Lesbian Rights applauds the appeals court decision in the federal challenge to proposition 8. The destination of the national organization headquarters is 870 Market Street Suite 370 94102 San Francisco, CA (NCLR: The Audacity to Fight for Justice). The NCLR wants to fight for justice and justice to them is equality. The National Center for Lesbian Rights is a non-profit organization that stands for also gay, bisexual, and transgender. The company’s national headquarters has 27 staff members and regional offices in Washington, D.C. and Los Angeles. Their boards of directors are thirteen Bay Area-based women of diverse backgrounds and professional expertise, committed to advancing the direction and leadership of NCLR in the broader social justice and legal arenas (NCLR: The Audacity to Fight for Justice). The NCLR has eight women in important cities throughout the U.S. bring a national perspective to NCLR’s leadership as their national advisory board. For the organizations national advisory council there are twelve women in cities throughout the United States that extend NCLR’s network and represent NCLR in national conversations about LGBT legal and social justice issues. The NCLR is a public interest law firm which litigates precedent-setting cases at the trial and appellate court levels (NCLR: The Audacity to Fight for Justice). They are advocates for equal public policies affecting the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender community, also known as LGBT. NCLR provides free legal assistance to the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender community people and their legal advocates. The National Center for Lesbian Rights conducts community education on Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender legal issues. Being equal can be looked at in many different ways but the way they look at it is that everyone should be able to have the same rights no matter what the like and or dislike. This is a very individual organization that pays no affiliates and has great activism in standing up for the rights of lesbians. The company brings in about $3,463,193 in total revenue as of December of 2010. The National Center for Lesbian Rights also doesn’t receive any government funds. Their executive director is Kate Kendell and is compensated $189,917 also as of December 2010. The National Center for Lesbian Rights motto, “Founded in 1977, the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR) is a national legal organization committed to advancing the civil and human rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people and their families through litigation, public policy advocacy, and public education. NCLR is a public interest law firm which litigates precedent-setting cases at the trial and appellate court levels; advocates for equitable public policies affecting the LGBT community; provides free legal assistance to LGBT people and their legal advocates; and conducts community education on LGBT legal issues. We serve more than 5,000 lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people and their families in all fifty states each year, including LGBT seniors, immigrants, athletes, and youth. Our impact litigation serves all LGBT people in the United States” (NCLR: The Audacity to Fight for Justice). Advancing the civil and human rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people and their families through litigation, public policy advocacy, and public education is the mission of the National Center for Lesbian Rights.
On the other side, lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender can be a negative way of life. In the bible, it is written that individuals should not be practicing same sex relations. It is considered a sin and frowned upon by many. There are lots and lots of people in this world that do not agree with same sex relations in any way shape or form. Many people believe same sex relations can bring more sexual transmitted diseases and for bisexuals with any type of sexually transmitted disease it can be spread more greatly. Having these types of negative factors in a society is what most presidents beg to differ about. There are only a few states in America that allow same sex marriages and for those that don’t many people love that fact. Americans that do believe in practicing the will of God know that it is not right in God’s eyes to commit or engage in same sex relations. God also does not want individuals passing judgment on others and that too is a sin. People that are religion based in Christianity do have prior knowledge to these things and understand no one is perfect and should repent everyday of their lives. Being a person of such characteristics is not healthy either because how can we expand as humans if these types of act are being committed. Committing homosexual activity is negative to the eyesight of God and can be proven in The Holy Bible. The Holy Bible has no one author and is believed to have come from the mouth of God to write the chapters. The Christian belief is to follow the word of God which is considered the Holy Bible. Those who conduct themselves in gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender ways are sinning in the name of God and are considered blaspheme in the Holy Bible. For a person to be able to go against the will of God they have to be able to accept the consequences for their actions. Life is too short to conduct in such activities and risk the kingdom of heaven by doing so. This is the motto most Christians follow because they have been taught what is right and wrong in God’s sight. Being a negative person in God’s sight is not the way He wants us to live and will come in the way of the glory of heaven. Most people that consider themselves Christians plan their lives the best way they have been taught how to follow the word of God and not defy Him. Defying God can be done in many ways and for those that practice same sex relations in any way, shape, or forms are doing so. Furthermore, practicing same sex relations is a choice the many people in our population may choose practice but not mandatory so not only America has to accept things for what they are and not what they want them to be. In conclusion, life has its ups and its downs so we as humans have to make the right decisions so gay rights should be accepted everywhere because we shouldn’t be judged on our personal preferences, we can’t control who we like and it can produce self-hatred.“California’s Proposition 8 (Same-Sex Marriage).” – The New York Times. 20 Feb. 2012. Web. 15 Feb. 2012.
“Gay Marriage Facts & Statistics Tips.” Gay Marriage Facts & Statistics. 7 Jan. 2000. Web. 15 Feb. 2012. .
Kendell, Kate. NCLR: The Audacity to Fight for Justice. The Perseverance to Win. The National Center for Lesbian Rights. Web. 16 Feb. 2012. .
“New Ratings.” Charity Navigator. 12 Dec. 2010. Web. 15 Feb. 2012. .
Weiner, Rachel. “Gay Marriage Wave Shows Major Shift.” Washington Post. The Washington Post, 15 Feb. 2012. Web. 15 Feb. 2012. .-
Corey Thiesse
Jonte
As I first started reading this I liked the fact that you started with a famous quote that relates to your topic that you are writing about. You do not beat around the bush really. You get to the point and your first few sentences have an interesting hook that draws the reader in. Something that I noticed as i continued reading your paper is that there are grammatical errors and several run on sentences. There are also a few sentences that do not make sense and do not flow well with the paper. Of course, these are minor errors that everyone has present in their drafts, but I just wanted to point them out in case you missed them. I think that by fixing these you can sound more sophisticated and have your paper make more sense to the reader so he or she does not have to go back and reread to understand the point you were trying to get across. When i started to read your next paragraph i saw that you started with another quote from Shakespeare, which I think is okay. I was just hoping you would not start every paragraph like this. When you stated the quote I got a little lost in the Old English. Maybe it is because I have never been good at translating it, or something along those lines, but as i continued reading I just wanted to know what that meant. To fix this you could either give a brief explanation of what the quote’s significance or what it meant and how it related to this topic. You could also take another route and look up a pre-translated version of this quote and paste it in your paper instead. I think that many reader’s have the same problem understanding Old English, so this would be helpful to the reader. Personally, i disagree with how you say that people show not use derogatory terms. I feel that any person should have the right to say what they please. I am not saying that i encourage people to use these terms or harass and make rude remarks, but the derogatory terms in general are part of free speech. If someone should be able to do what they want, in regards to same-sex marriage, then someone should be able to say what they want about same-sex marriage. I am a full supporter of both because i believe expressing yourself is absolutely essential to have diversity in our country. I think that you did a good job talking about the NCLR and what they do as an organization to help gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transsexuals. To me i find it a little odd that the NCLR is not a non-profit organization. I do not see why people of that group should receive money for what they are doing. Yes, I believe they are doing the right thing, but I feel as if they may be doing it for other reasons than to just support gay rights. That is just my thoughts though. I think that when you state the other side of the story as to how the bible does not permit same sex marriage, it could have fit better in the introductory paragraph. I think stating that earlier in the paper would have been a bit more proper instead of introducing that idea so late. You want to keep talking about what you believe in at the end of the paper and not to get the reader thinking about the other side of the story. Overall, good paper. Just work on the things I stated and you should be okay.
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Katie Didier
The overall theme of the paper was good and I feel like you could tell that you really were concerned about the subject and put a great deal of thought into it.
The beginning lacked flow from my perspective; I had to reread it a few times to understand where you were going. Maybe try to change a few words. When I reread my work out loud to myself I find that it is easier to catch my own errors or detect the reader’s confusion. It also seems like you have too many words in your introduction. I feel like if you used less words then the meaning would come out clearer.
I would advise to maybe add a transition from the introduction to the part about homosexuality. I understand you connection between “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and the judgment on homosexuality but it was quite a leap to get there. Maybe add a few more thoughts in-between those statements to help the flow.
I don’t know where you are getting your information from which leads me to believe that you are making everything up. If you cited some sources for your statements such as “When an individual realizes they are gay at a very young age they feel like they are trapped and can’t handle the pressure that society puts on them. They feel like they are abnormal and often an outcast. Society’s negative impact on them can cause them to want to give up on their own life and possibly consider suicide” it would be much easier to believe your argument. I would also add quotes around your statement by Shakespeare.
This sentence in particular confused me, maybe you could reword it? : “Having individual minds of our mind should allow everyone to block our any peer pressure situations and that alone defines the maturity level of a person.”
In the third paragraph you used a lot of fascinating statistics that could be used to persuade your reader but I feel like all of the facts were sort of thrown in at the same point. Maybe if you could follow up each quote with a few sentences about why that statistic is important to your paper; I feel like that would really make your paper persuasive.
I also feel like your paper gives too much information about both sides of the argument. If you want your reader to be persuaded then you should have a rebuttal but make sure you defend your original position by stating why the rebuttal is invalid. You have a very good start and I appreciate all the information in your paper, I just feel a little confused about which way you want the reader to feel about the subject.
I like the overall concept of your conclusion. You had a good summation of the issue and you did have a call to action but it felt a little short and left me wanting more. I feel like the conclusion is an excellent point in your paper where you can really reach out to your reader and make them feel the devotion to the same-sex marriage issue as you do.
I think that you should talk about your friend that is dealing with a similar issue. You talked about him in class and I think it would really push your paper over the edge.
Good Job. :)
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Jonte Spane
This weeks journal entry I read “You can’t Dodge All the Bullets” by Kate Kinsella in our reading textbook “Why White Rice?”. This was a very interesting read and I related to it a lot. Really one of my favorites that I have read so far. She brought up some great points about life and its many obstacles. We can’t dodge everything that is coming to us. What is held in our future we can not change. If something bad happens that is just how life goes and we cant control it. When we are down and out there is always sunshine on the other side. She also brings up ways we can control our overwhelming feelings. Taking a 10 minutes to think about what is going on and releasing steam. She explains critical thinking. Doing things that challenge you and not things that will waste your time and what comes easy to you. She shows us that it is okay to mess up and to learn from your mistakes. Life is never going to be easy, it is just up to yourself to stick through it. Widening your education and shooting for the stars is very important. She tells us about her past with her father. He mentioned words to her that were big and that she didn’t understand when she was younger. She shares personal experiences in her reading, which gives her an even stronger connection with the us as the reader. She gave great advice of the hardship of what life can throw at you, but “You Can’t Dodge All the Bullets!”
Kinsella, Kate. “You Can’t Dodge All the Bullets”. Why White Rice? Thinking Through Writing. Dubuque: Kendall Hunt, 2010. 127. Print -
Jonte Spane
We have been enlightened about many environmental projects so far this semester. The thought of a service makes me think of community service or service learning. This could for a graduation requirement, court ordered, or for many other reasons. When a person is doing a service for their community it shows their dedication to help others but when the term activist comes in play i think of truly dedicated individuals such as Dr.Martin Luther King, Malcolm-X, Rosa Parks, Nelson Mandela,etc. All these people shared an incredibly strong characteristic of activism. Activism is a movement to make a change in the world. Activists are dedicated and intend on making a change that they strongly believe in. They take matters into their own hands and tend to work diligently in achieving their goals.
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Jonte Spane
I believe reading the article “The Village Voice,” by Peter Hessler, was very interesting. Rajeev Goyal is an amazing man that has done wonders trying to help the world. He is very devoted, dedicated, and motivated by his work. You can tell he loves what he does and he would not change it for the world. He has achieved so much at his young age and that is such an inspiration for our country. There are many things in this world that needs help. We all as nation should try our best to help others when they are in need. Rajeev Goyal is a huge inspiration and I admire the fact that he is stepping up and being independent to help our world for the better. He is an example to what we should try to be because we have to think about others and not just our self. It was sort of sad to see he kind of gave up at the end but the goals that he has a achieved is remarkable. He made a village names Namje and he brought water to these countries much cheaper and more convenient. It is rare to see a man do so much to help other people. We need more people in our world today to make a change. I also was not aware that celebrities Beyonce and Jay-z were apart of this movement. It is nice to see that people that are making millions actually give back to help others.
Hessler, Peter. “A Reporter at Large: Village Voice, The Peace Corp’s Brightest Hope.” New York: The New Yorker.2010. 101-109. Splatter.writing101.net: The messy art of writing. Web. 8 feb. 2012 -
Jonte Spane
I believe the activity we completed in class entitled “Who Should Survive?” was a strange assignment because no person should have the right to choose who lives or dies. Passing judgment on a certain human being is not wise and can affect any and every human beings daily life. Affecting a human beings daily life by saying if they should live or die is outright wrong. If a person is passing judgment on another person about living or dying they are going against God’s word. Going against God’s word is a sin and many people don’t understand that. Having the right to choose if a person stays living in pain or die to relieve the pain still doesn’t make it sane in God’s eyesight. God wants us to love each other and not feel that just because a person is not what we want them to be they should die. Even though I feel this way I still completed the assignment because I understood it was just a scenario but that still doesn’t make it right in God’s eyesight. While conducting the activity with my group we came across an Atheist and I know they don’t believe in any way, shape, or form in God. We chose to sacrifice this guy because he was described as a bitter person that had an unGodly personality. One of the other people we chose to sacrifice that was the easiest was Father Philip. He was described as a priest and we as a group knew that being a priest meant that they were ready to accept God’s will whenver he was ready to take them from this earth.
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Jonte Spane
I read the core reading of Dave Egger’s “What It Means When A Crowd In A Faraway Nation Takes A Soldier Representing Your Own Nation, Shoots Him, Drags Him From His Vehicle And Then Mutilates Him In The Dust.” This troubled man seemed like he had a lot of emotions and thoughts all jammed in his head and he does not know how to process it all at once. Him having such a strong connection with the soldier that was killed shows us that he might have been a soldier himself in his past years. He analyzed every bit of the photo, trying to find out about every detail that was going on. Hearing about other horrible tragedies that has occurred in the world such as a family drowning in their vehicle or trains colliding he had little to no emotion to it. Knowing that he felt worst about the soldier being killed and not of things happening that have killed many, shows the huge connection he has with the lost soldier. This man is most likely very lonely and depressed. He has the inevitable urge to be constantly being active and not taking the time to relax. Simply being at peace seems impossible to this man at this point in his life and it seems like he does not know what to do with himself anymore. Dave Egger’s did an excellent job of imagery and I understood everything he was trying to illustrate in this story. I would have liked to have read more of the story to see if the man was finally free from the tribulations that were going through his mind in the end.
Eggers, Dave. “How We Are Hungry”, What It Means When A Crowd In A Faraway Nation Takes A Soldier Representing Your Own Nation, Shoots Him, Drags Him From His Vehicle And Then Mutilates Him In The Dust. McSweeney’s, 2004. pgs 17-18. Splatter.writing101.net 2012 -
Jonte Spane
Live?Die?Kill?
The things I care about most are my loved ones such as mom, dad, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, grandma, grandfather, and of course my wife. Having the ability to care for a person is not easy and is very hard to come by. Being a very caring person has helped me progress through life. Progressing through life can be very easy if and only if I show care in what I do. Caring for loved ones is a given for most people but caring for priorities is an exceptional talent to success. I care about my loved ones and my success because without them I have no idea where I would be today. My loved ones are also very helpful with things in my life so they too care for me just as much as I do for them. Success will come through care and pride in whatever I endeavor because if I have enough care and pride in what I plan to do, the sky is the limit. Being able to expand my horizons and reach new heights is a great ability that should be prized by who ever may possess that trait. Possessing great diligence in life allows for one to be a caring person. I believe jobs provide security, success, and an enjoyable life. Providing security is very important because to maintain a safe environment. The success brought from having a job is self-explanatory because it is always good to have many jobs on a resume’. Benefits in whatever company an employee works for provide the opportunity of having a very enjoyable life. Jobs are the number one trending topics in the world today that are the key to success. Without jobs, what would our world be like? Life would not be peaceful. Being able to have a job is an asset that should be taken pride in. When almost 10% of the population inAmericais jobless, this lack leads to major problems. Now crime is on the rise because it cost to live so without an income that makes our world go crazy. Imagine a world with no jobs, how would any merchandise be purchased or sold? This planet would be back in the stone-age if that were to occur.
Being employed allows for responsibility and maturity to develop. It is the first step to adulthood. I believe in the ability to be able to earn my own possessions and not have to rely on anybody else. Maintaining a job is also very important because in society today it is so hard to get a job with an unemployment rate that high. I am proud to be employed because if I was not I do not know where I would be today. Responsibility comes in to play because an employee learns how to manage their money and can buy whatever they like. They have to be responsible with their paychecks in order to maintain a stable income. Being able to maintain a stable income allows for their maturity level to steadily increase. I currently am employed at the United Parcel Service. The pride I have in my job is very strong because it puts food on my table, clothes on my back, and provides free education and transportation. Without these perks in my job I probably would not continue to work there. College would not be possible for me to attend if it wasn’t for my job. Working for UPS helps give a chance to live, learn, and succeed in life. Maintaining my job has taught me great responsibility and helped me mature better. It has also showed me how to appreciate the good things in life and how not be taken for granted. I believe that if continue to work at UPS until I get my Associate’s Degree I will be able to go on and get my Master’s Degree wherever I like. Being able to complete this achievement will also benefit in my job because I will receive more money per semester for achieving my Associate’s Degree. Having this benefit makes me never want to leave UPS until I get as many degrees I want. No matter how long I want to stay in school my job is entitled to pay it because of the guidelines in the program. Not many jobs allow students to attend school and receive a check for working, tuition, rent, and gas. Most jobs don’t offer those perks because it cost lots of money to be able to do so. Most of today’s Corporations that do offer these benefits are multi-millionaire businesses. It is so hard to find a company like that and become employed because there is a very large demand for employment at companies like that and not a large supply of jobs due to the cap on the tuition, rent, and gas perks. Being a college student can be very hard and for some people it can be very easy. Having a job while attending college is what most students try to do especially, if the student has not received any financial aid support or scholarships to attend college. Attending college is one very important step to adulthood; I am not saying if a person does not attend then they have not reached adulthood, but it shows a person so many ways to depend on themselves and not others. I love college and hope to receive as many degrees I want because without that opportunity my life would not be the same. I am very grateful for my belief and I hope that there any many people in the world that agree with my belief. The things that anger me are hard to decide because I don’t let anyone get to me. I have strong will to ignore any stressful situation and can maintain my maturity by doing so. Some things that may bother me are when I am waiting at the same light for multiple times because of the traffic volume, when someone disrespects me, if a loved one is not fully healthy, and there are many other things I could add but they would be redundant.
In conclusion, I am very grateful for my life and if I could give my life to save any one in need I would most definitely do it. Life doesn’t last forever so I appreciate the things I have now and hope for a better future. The future holds no boundaries so I have to continue to stay on top of my priorities in order for me to have a bright future. Having a brighter future is key to educational success and success all-around my life. I wouldn’t change the people in my life or the things I have in life for anything else in the world. I love having loved ones because I can always have them to count on. Being able to count on someone is hard to come by but with my loved ones that is in no way, shape, or form a factor. Once a person realizes they have this experience then their true adulthood has begun. For some they might not reach this stage in their life until they are forty. A few others will catch on quick and know when they gain their experience. If a person thinks they have all the experience they need then they are truly mistaken. Many people will think they have reached that adulthood in life but really haven’t. Reaching that adult will be very difficult because as life goes on there is always opportunity to learn.
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Katie Didier
Overall the major factor in your writing that stood out to me was how much your family means to you. The repetition of this subject left the essay with a very prominent point. I feel that your main thesis is that you live for your friends and family. However responsibility also seems to be a key factor in what you live for. From what I can tell you enjoy having a job and going to school. This isn’t only because you enjoy learning and working but because of the principles they stand for. You appreciate what you have with your job and are proud of the responsibilities you have to that job. I especially enjoyed reading the long list of positive effects that you can make out of your job such as the benefits and how it helps you attain your degree or degrees. Your focus on this point leads me to believe that you are a positive person which I can only assume is also important to you. It is the details like this in your essay that let the reader know who you are and what truly is important to you even though you didn’t specifically state that those things are what you live for.
I am a little confused in the beginning of the fourth paragraph when you stated what you were grateful for. I feel like you saying that you are grateful for your life then be willing to give it up to help a complete stranger in need is a little hypocritical. I understand that you may be a very helpful, giving person but if you love your family so much I feel like you would rather keep your life to help them. Or perhaps only be willing to give your life to helped your friends or family. I think that it is a very rare quality if a person is willing to give their own life to literally any person in need. I may have misunderstood you but if you really would “give your life to save any one in need” I feel like you should explain yourself to help the reader understand your logic.
I enjoyed reading your essay and I feel that you really expressed yourself well and gave the reader a good feeling for who you are and what you may stand for. However, I don’t think you ever really mentioned what you would kill for. For example from the tone of your essay I am under the impression that you would kill for your family and friends and if that is that case to what extent? If you are willing to kill for your family how do you feel knowing that you are potentially killing someone elses family friends or loved ones?
Overall you maintained the focus on your job and your family which is what I believe to be the most important things to you or “what you live for”. I also got the hint that you live to be a mature adult and to be able to provide for yourself and your family. This is what I got out of your essay -
Corey Thiesse
Jonte S.
Throughout the paper I can see the obvious love and appreciation for your family. I can see you would do anything for them. You do not really go in depth about the things you would kill for or die for, but one can come to the conclusion that it would most likely be for your family and nothing else. I can see in the paper you talk a lot about how you are very grateful for your job. So i suppose that you live for a well paying and supporting job. You talk about how our job is practically essential to your lifestyle and way of living. I like how you discussed all the perks that your job gives you. You pretty much state that if not for your job at UPS you would not be where you are today. It is helping you get your education and supports your family and will continue to do so in the future. Your ideas in this paper were repeated a few times so i suggest that you take a little bit of a different approach to it and see what you come up with. One of the things I was confused with was when you said “I am very grateful for my life and if I could give my life to save any one in need I would most definitely do it”. This does not make sense to me because if you value your life so deeply then why would you give it for anyone? What I am trying to get at is that you would give your life for anyone? That does not exactly seem to make sense to me, but I mean it is your life so I am not going to badger you for it. Personally, I think it is quite modest of you to do that for someone your barely know. Maybe this is not what you meant and you worded it incorrectly, or you do feel this way. It just seems to me that it is quite the opposite of what I took out of your writing above that phrase.
I like how you said that life does not last forever so you appreciate the things now and how you hope for a better future. I agree with this statement and I also agree with when you stated that “The future holds no boundaries so I have to continue to stay on top of my priorities in order for me to have a bright future”. I love this sentence because it is touching to me. I enjoy the idea that you are a hard worker and are very optimistic as to what the future could hold. Staying on top of your priorities is most definitely important to having a good future. After all, us students should know this better than anyone.
To conclude my revision, I think you did a fine job staying on topic and stating all the ideas that you believe in. Your writing style was very focused and deliberate. You presented your ideas in an orderly fashion and made everything clear to the reader. Keep up the good work!
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Jonte Spane
Ecological literacy is the basis to not only being a law-abiding citizen but the backbone humans need to survive reasonably. Surviving reasonably can be interpreted in many different ways because some people might think living on there is better for their while others may believe living with someone is best for them. For most people making everyday decisions on life, such as practicing good hygiene with their body and house, means being ecologically literate. Others factors could be choosing to be buy a reasonably priced house in a bad neighborhood versus buying a more expensive house in a good neighborhood. When a person decides where they want to live they are practicing ecological literacy. I believe being ecologically literate is the way of life for a person that is stress free. Being stress free blocks out any alternatives to unbalance in a persons life cycle. I do believe I am ecologically literate in many ways. When I decide to drive to school a certain way that I believe is a shorter distance that if I was to look up directions on Google maps and they give me a longer distance I am saving gas, money, time, and stress. When I decide to get gas at Speedway versus Shell I am being ecologically literate because I for one have a fuel card that gets about ten cent off a gallon and Speedway is typically cheaper than Shell with their prices. When I decided to buy my car I knew it wasn’t the most expensive car in the world but I knew it was very dependable.
1996. 81-86. Print, Capra, Fritjof. “Thinking Ecologically.” The Web of Life: A New Scientific Understanding of Living Systems. New York: Anchor -
Jonte Spane
The grading contract appears to be very beneficial and easy to understand.
James Jeszke, 
Katie Didier, and 
Corey Thiesse are discussing. 
Justyna Matyjaszczyk, 
Corey Thiesse 12:26 am on April 23, 2012 Permalink | Log in to Reply
Jonte
I like how you start off your paper by telling what your team was trying to do by “attacking the goals of the project”. I like that phrase and think it flows very well. It is a very assertive statement. I also like in the beginning of the paper how you discuss all of your previous experiences with helping others and volunteering. It really helps show that you care about the community and you are not just doing this because of a school project. On the other hand though, i feel like you might talk about the previous experiences a little too much. Also you definitely need to have this paper a little more organized. You could add some sections where you talk about certain things. For example “Previous Volunteering Experiences” or “The Day of the Service”. Making your paper more organized like how i told you will make it flow better and will give the reader a more clear way to read it. Your thoughts are well developed, but you have to organize them in a way so that they are clear to the reader and you are not just jumping around the whole time spraying your ideas all over the paper. Being organized makes it look more professional. I do not agree with Mr. McGuire that those previous service learning opportunities were not a social issue. I think you should be able to do it on whatever you choose. He is just making harder on your group to try and find a good issue to pick. I also think you need to take more time to revise your paper because there are several grammatical errors and spelling errors, but that is nothing major because every paper has some of those. It was not clear to me if you had attended your service learning project yet. I know that you have planned to go to it and what you are doing, but i am not sure if you have completed it because it is not stated in your writing. I think your main problem in writing this paper is the organization of your ideas. Like i said above, you have many good ideas but they just need to be organized better. And in doing so you will sound much more sophisticated and the paper will flow better. I feel like you kind of beat around the bush too much when talking about your social issue. Maybe once you go to the service learning opportunity and have a chance to write about it will your paper develop and become more informative. Overall, i think you have a good social issue to work on here and you have good ideas to accompany it. You just have some minor things you need to tweak and this paper can become 100 times better. If you follow some of what i said and incorporate your own ideas it could become a much more effective paper. Otherwise, good job and i can not wait to hear about how your service learning opportunity went.
Katie Didier 1:10 am on April 24, 2012 Permalink | Log in to Reply
I think that you did a great job telling your personal side of the story as well as your groups perspective. You shared your previous stories of volunteering which offered a great insight to the frame of mind you went into this project with. While you seemed a little negative and skeptical it seemed very honest and informative. I really appreciated that I could tell this was a real event that happened. It did not seem sugar-coated in the least. I felt like you really had a pure motive of explaining what happened to the reader which translated well in your paper.
I like that your paper title was very informative and it helped me to find your paper easily on the site. However I feel like readers would be more inclined to pick up your paper and read it if the title was more catchy or creative. I also believe that your paper would benefit from a few subtitles. Maybe you could set up a subheading devoted to your prior volunteer work and your experiences and maybe another devoted to your interviews with the people from your current service activity.
I appreciate that you took the time to mention that there was one disadvantage to working where you volunteered you. You said that the smell was bad and that anyone with a weak stomach would not be able to handle it. However, I feel like if you could have put that in a better light, perhaps, you could have elaborated about the bad conditions of the shelter or that it wasn’t clear, Simply by saying that it smelled bad made me wonder if it was a one time occurrence or if it is always like that. If it is always like that I would think that it would be unclean and the shelter is under bad management or underfunded which would lead me to either donate more money or not want to volunteer there.
I got a really good idea of how your experience went from your perspective. However I did not really get a good perspective of the group you volunteered for. Maybe you could take about the different animals you saw. I would really be more eager to volunteer if you would talk about the animals that you saw. I have a soft spot for animals and I am sure that I am not alone. If you are really passionate about what you volunteered for I feel like you r paper would really be enhanced with a few more details.
Overall I think that you did a good job with your paper however I do think that you focused a little too much on your previous experiences. At first it was hard for me to decipher which place you actually went to to volunteer. Maybe your introduction should talk about the shelter.
There were a few grammatical errors. Most of them were easy to look over and it did not skew the meaning of your story one way or another.
James Jeszke 9:49 pm on April 24, 2012 Permalink | Log in to Reply
For one, your information was VERY helpful and explained a lot of different things. Very thoroughly rather. It wasn’t easy to follow because it is just one giant paragraph. Your experiences was a very useful thing to add because you know what its like to give back to our community. I like your devotion to this topic. Your honesty might have seemed a little much but you put everything in the right words because it was very informative that’s for sure. Your details show rather than tell. For example, the way you mentioned the bad smell and people with weak stomachs would not be able to handle it was a good portrayal of something everyone would notice. You should’ve asked if there were any problems at the place you went to and why it smelled the way it did. Maybe they were having issues and it would be gone the next day. The management may have also been understaffed that day and cleanup wasn’t done, you didn’t seem to elaborate on some of the good things and more bad things I think. Was it dirty? Was their a lot of people? All that good stuff will be a good addition.
Maybe they could do more with their donations and funds towards the smell. Even add more volunteers will be a good addition to a possible overhaul throughout the entire place would be a good thing to add to your paper. Details details details. This paper flows well and tells a whole lot of things about many different things that is for sure. Elaborating on some of the important stuff will give this paper more grip and stick to its reader even more. As of now, the paper sticks because of the information don’t get me wrong, but I think that by adding just a few more sentences throughout this paper will give it that extra ‘umph.’ All in all, the paper is good. A few minor tweaks to its structure and elaborations will make this paper stand out. Also, I agree with Katie and I think some deletions about your past experiences will be a good thing too because you do focus on that a little much. It did take me a while to figure out that the shelter was the final place you chose to do service at. This paper stands out with all of the information it has and it is well thought out, like I said, a few minor tweaks to this and you are set.